My heart belongs to someone else
by horchata
Summary: Blair was all in with Chuck when she realized - for the second time - that her heart belongs to someone else. However this time around, its not as easy as going to the loft and telling Dan that because he is nowhere to be found. Years later they meet and life has some new surprises for both of them.
1. Chapter 1

The story is set soon after 5x24. The first chapter is Blair's PoV. I intend to write the story with Blair's PoV, but I may insert a chapter or two from Dan's PoV as well.

**Paris, June 2012**

Blair Waldorf is sitting quietly in the middle of the bed in a hotel suit in Paris. She is thinking about her life choices and wondering if she is as smart as she believes she is, because she is lost and cannot seem to find her way around. Last month when she made that promise to Chuck Bass, the love of her life, it all seemed so effortless. It was easy to say that she was all in, but with every passing day, it was getting more difficult to live up to that promise.

It is not like that she is not trying, she is doing everything she can to help Chuck. She has liquidated half her trust fund to help Chuck with raising liquid cash through gambling to start up the fund necessary to take back the Bass empire, she even tolerated his slime ball of an uncle, she followed him across the globe, Paris, London, Rome, Abu Dhabi and Hong Kong in past one month, she is saying and doing all the right things but it is just not bringing her any joy. After the first week even Chuck, who was waiting for the other shoe to drop, seemed a bit relaxed around her – as if he knew that this time around she is here and she is here for good – but after that first week, something changed within Blair, she was doing everything right but she felt as if she is waiting for something to fail.

After three weeks of traveling, numerous meetings and maneuverings with financiers, Chuck was finally able to secure two major sources of finance in Abu Dhabi. He came back to hotel, ecstatic over his victory and he wanted to celebrate. He popped open a bottle of champagne and kissed Blair. It was the first time since she returned to him that he showed any interest in her except for some perfunctory pecks or chaste kisses which were for the benefits of others. Instead of being happy or excited Blair, who thought that she was waiting patiently for Chuck to be ready to be intimate with her, panicked. She broke off the kiss and started hyper ventilating, something she never did in her entire life. Proper ladies like Blair Waldorf do not hyper ventilate. Chuck, though a little awkward, just gave her a look and left saying that she perhaps needs more time to come to terms with them being together again. She was left wondering why she needed more time now when she never needed it before.

While Chuck was out she pondered over her strange reaction to Chuck's kisses. Come on, this is Chuck Bass, the guy she lost her virginity to. She cheated on Nate with Chuck, She cheated on Louis – her fiancé – with Chuck, and they played all those crazy power games and had sex in the strangest places across Upper East Side. Heck, she is no prude in general and even less so when it comes to Chuck Bass but something was different this time.

It happened again a week later. Chuck and Blair had returned to Paris and Paris in June is everything one can dream of. The weather was perfect, Chuck was finally in a good place, Blair was in her most favourite city in the world they tried to resume their love making. This time Blair did not panic but she froze – like a solid lump of ice. This time Chuck was less accommodating and made a snide remark about her losing her touch. Their third attempt at sex was followed a couple of days later. It was Blair who initiated it this time but she burst into tears 90 seconds into the foreplay. She really thought she was ready for Chuck's love making but apparently she is not. Sex was the easiest thing with Chuck, now it has become almost impossible.

Chuck was NOT happy and he came near her, cupped her face in his hands and looked at her, really looked at her. He then laughed and said, "I know it can't be me because I have been with you before and I know what kind of effect I have on you. It must be your slumming it out in Brooklyn that is responsible for this below par performance."

He looked at her for a couple of more minutes and left.

Blair Waldorf, who always had a witty rejoinder for everything just sat quietly. If truth be told, she has been kinda quiet since she left Manhattan a month back.

It was the first time in a month that she allowed herself to think about the man she left behind in Brooklyn. It was the first time she said his name – Dan – out loud and it felt strange; very alien yet very familiar. It was then it hit her why getting back with Chuck was so easy in the past. It was because she never knew a Dan Humphrey. She never knew that there could be life beyond Chuck Bass. She never knew that a man could love a woman as selflessly and as simply as Dan had loved her.

It was here, sitting in the middle of a bed with rumpled silken sheets in a luxury hotel suit that Chuck rented, that Blair Waldorf admitted to herself that she cannot give herself completely to Chuck Bass because she loves Dan Humphrey. She may have made a conscious decision to go all in for Chuck but her heart desired one certain Muppet haired Dan Humphrey. It is so strange that when she had Dan all to herself, she never realized how deep her feelings were for the man. She did not even realize it when she left him for Chuck, it took her inability to respond to Chuck for her to to realize the true depth of her feelings for Dan.

'Oh Dan, what have I done!" She moaned.

She then made a decision, packed her bags and called her father.

"Daddy, can I hide out in your home for a few days?" asks Blair.

.

**A/N: I know, I know there was no Dair in this chapter but rest assured, there will be plenty of Dair in the next chapters.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

**This chapter has Blair pining for Dan. I have read a lot of drama and a lot of angst so I tried some anticipation - on Blair's part - to add variety to Dair fics. I hope you guys like it. Its an experiment.**

Chapter 2

Blair slept round the clock when she went to her father's place. She was quite surprised that she slept that long because she has never even been the type who would unnecessarily laze in bed. Apparently she needed that to rejuvenate herself.

She then drew up a list of people that she had to call and make things right.

She called Chuck first and apologized to him for blowing hot and cold and then told him that she cannot be with him.

"I am sorry Chuck, I know it's not fair to you, esp, when I was the one who ran after you but I guess I just cannot be a hypocrite anymore. I don't know why but I do know that I cannot be with you." Blair quietly cried in the phone.

"I think I know why you cannot be with me," Chuck laughed mirthlessly.

"Please Chuck, don't be mad at me, I will do everything I can to help you get back Bass Industries, I just can't be with you anymore," said Blair.

"You know why you can't be with me Blair, it's because that Dan Humphrey taught you his poor people's morals. The old Blair I knew had no qualms in cheating on either Nate or Louis with me but the new you – it is different. You are no longer with Humphrey yet you still feel ashamed for running out on him. Who knew Blair Waldorf will be suffering from middle class guilt one day, humdrum Humphrey has truly rubbed on you," sneered Chuck.

"Please don't call him names, this has nothing to do with Dan. It is me who cannot be with you," said Blair.

"Holy Fuck! You still have feelings for that weasel! Here I am giving you time and you are pining for him! Thanks for not being with me for the past one month, I would not have liked to sully my hands with Dan Humphrey's cast offs." With that Chuck severed the connection.

For Blair, the earth didn't move. She felt nothing but sad resignation that there is one more person who is now pissed at her. This is the epic love I left my life in New York for, she asked herself.

She then called her mother and updated her about her situation.

"I am sorry mother, I know I accepted your offer and I said that there is nothing holding me back but I need some more time before I can truly commit myself to Waldorf designs," said Blair.

"I had a feeling that you are still not sure what you wanted to do, that is why I have not shared my retirement plan with the board." Eleanor sighed.

"Thanks a lot mother, you have no idea how bad I am feeling right now for letting you down like this but I have to figure a few things out on my own." Blair was grateful to her mother.

"Of course darling, I understand. I love you no matter what you decide to do but I just want to know if you even intend to come back to my company. There is no pressure for you to join now or even six months later but I would like to know if this is what you would want to do." Eleanor said.

"I will let you know as soon as I can mother, but I have a couple of more important calls to make, I will call you soon and I love you very much!" said Blair and clicked the phone.

Blair is holding her phone in her trembling hands. She wonders if he is in New York or has traveled to Rome like they planned. She did not want to disturb his sleep and wanted to call him at an appropriate time. She fidgets for a few minutes and decided to call anyways, it's not like she has ever worried about propriety with Dan. She smiled at the memory of all those times when she barged in his loft without prior announcement and demanded attention.

She called his number and finds out that it has been disconnected. She called at the loft and left the message in the answering machine. She checked gossip girl for some Dan Humphrey update but he was last spotted about a fortnight ago and was off the gossip girl radar. She realized that may be he is not in New York and have actually gone to Italy.

She waited for some time and then called Nate.

Nate was skeptical.

"Why do you want to contact Dan, I thought you left him." He asked.

"I am well aware of what I did Archibald, but I still need to talk to Dan. Perhaps more so because of the way I left," Blair sighed.

"Aren't you a little too late for that Blair," asked Nate pointedly.

"Oh don't go all judgmental on me, Dan is more than enough for that," Blair said.

"What makes you think he would even wanna talk to you Blair, you broke his heart, you know that right?" Nate asked quietly.

And for the first time since making her decision Blair panicked. She never thought that her Dan, the very sweet and gentle Dan who said that he will always be there for her may not be there for her.

"What do you mean that he won't talk to me? Of course he will; I am Blair Waldorf, if anything I will wear him down. Just tell me where he is?" Blair pleaded.

"Honestly Blair, I don't know. He changed his phone number and email address and no one except his family knows about his whereabouts. He went to Italy but came back after a week. I met him then and even though he did not give me his number, he promised that I would not give it to either you or Serena." Said Nate.

"Serena, how does she feature in this conversation, we are talking about Dan and I?" Blair was exasperated.

"I don't know, but that's precisely what Dan said. He seemed equally pissed at you two. I can't help you even if I wanted to, try Rufus or Alessandra, they would definitely know where Dan is." Nate suggested.

"I tried the loft but no one was at home, do you have Rufus' cell number." Asked Blair.

"I am afraid not, but I can find it for you." Nate offered.

She thanked Nate for his offer but decided to find it herself. She then called Dorota in New York and asked her to go to the Humphrey loft in Brooklyn to find out where Dan's hiding. She had to reach him before it is too late.

She then tried sending emails to Dan but they bounced back. His facebook account was deactivated but Dan Humphrey's fan page and Inside's facebook page were open and she left at least one message every 5 minute on both the pages.

She never thought she would be spamming Dan Humphrey one day but then she never thought she would fall in love with Dan Humphrey. She smiled at the thought of telling Dan Humphrey that in person.

She was pacing like a mad person for two hours before Ramon intervened and took her shopping to take her mind off all things Dan Humphrey. Even retail therapy was of no use and she kept fidgeting and checking her phone every two minutes for any updates.

She came home, had dinner with her father and Roman but was still restless.

She asked her dad if she can talk to him about Dan. She wanted to talk to Dan – desperately – and if she cannot talk to him, then she wanted to talk to someone about Dan – the next best thing. Harold smiled and said, "Of course we can talk about him, in fact you have to make sure we meet next time we are in the same city," and Blair beamed. She told him everything that she can recall about Dan. How he helped her in being more honest with her mother after the whole Serena modeling fiasco, how he help her in school at many occasion despite her less than sterling behavior and then helped her find her feet at NYU. She told him about their time at W, her accident, her wedding and then last few month that she spent with him. She even told him about Milo and only stopped when it was visible that Harold could not keep his eyes open.

When they were heading back to their respective rooms, Harold stopped and asked her: "If Dan has been this wonderful to you all along, what took you so long in figuring it all out that he's the one?"

Blair did not say anything but was mulling over her short sightedness. How could she let go of one good thing that has been staring at her all this time.

**XXXXXXXX**

She woke up after lunch time next day and somehow felt better. She ran a bath and waited till noon in New York before she called Lily. Lily was taken aback when she asked for Rufus' number but she gave it to him anyways. She smiled when she got hold of Rufus' number and thought, 'who knew it is so important to have your boy friend's father number in case he decided to go in hiding'.

She called his number quite a few time but all the calls went directly to voicemail. Dorota reported that the loft has been empty for a few weeks. Rufus is touring with a band whose songs he produced and no one knows where Dan is. She tried old contacts at NYU but no one knew where Dan Humphrey is.

She waited and waited with her phone in hand for a week before she could not take any longer and decided to go back home to find the most elusive man in five boroughs of New York.

Dorota sent a car for Blair at the airport and she headed straight to Brooklyn from the airport. The loft was locked which was not surprising but what was surprising was the fact that the extra key that Dan always hid behind the water pipe was missing.

Blair just sat down in the hall outside the loft and cried for the first time since she left Chuck. What if Dan never comes back, what if he comes back and wants nothing to do with her? Will she be able to live without him, she asked herself.

She made it back to Upper East Side several hours later and worked her network and ordered her minions to find out where Dan Humphrey is. But no one knew where he was. She went to see Nate at the Spectator. Ever since Chuck left New York, Nate too moved out of the Empire and has gotten himself an apartment.

Blair liked this new Nate. She always thought that of all her peers at the school, she would be the one who had everything figured out first. But the two people who have really done well for themselves are Nate and Dan. One is an editor and the other is a published writer and they are both still pursuing their degrees as well.

Nate invited Blair to his new apartment, she promised that she would hang out with him but her first priority is finding Dan. Nate, looking at Blair's misery, called Alessandra who refused to speak with Blair earlier – on Dan's orders of course. Alessandra did not give him Dan's number but promised to pass on his message that Nate needs to speak with Dan next time she talks to him. He chatted a bit more with Alessandra and then switched off.

"That's the best I can do under the circumstances, the man really wants to stay hidden," said Nate.

"Yeah, I even tried Eric but he has not spoken to Dan since Lily and Rufus' divorce," added Blair.

"Nate"

"Hmmm"

"Will he talk to me when he get back?"

"Look at you, what happened to the Blair who said she will wear him down unless he talks to her?" Asked Nate.

"I am afraid Nate, there is too much at stake, my heart, my life, everything. I can't lose him."

"Don't worry Blair, you won't lose him," smiled Nate.

She thanked Nate – for being there for her and for understanding her situation and for not being too critical of her past transgressions.

Blair is much calmer after she has had this talk with Nate and decided to wait patiently.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

She filled her days with visits to museums and galleries and she wrote. She wrote letters to Dan – everyday, pouring her heart out on paper. She never thought she could write but she does, Dan has rubbed off more in those few short months they spent together. She was writing, listening to Pink Floyd, learning to cook so that she can surprise Dan when he sees her. She even bought a plaid skirt – from Bergdorf of course – to shock Dan Humphrey into loving her again. She was like a medieval wife whose husband was away at war for a long time. When she hears of his imminent return, she start preparing herself for him. Even though she does not have Dan by her side, she is happy with the thoughts of Dan and the fact that he will soon be back, his home, his editor, his university and his life is here. Blair Waldorf is here.

Three weeks have passed and she is bored. She decided to re design Serena's old bedroom into an office and soon had workers peeling the old wall papers and taking away the old furniture. When they are done with painting the room, she went in with Dorota, admiring the textured paint and had her first dizziness attack. She blamed it on the smell of fresh paint and came out. All of a sudden she stopped, pondered, panicked, picked up her purse and went out. She came back shortly and was holed up in her room for next couple of hours. When Dorota knocked on her door, asking her about dinner, she did not respond. When Dorota went in she found Blair Waldorf sitting on the bathroom floor with 6 pregnancy sticks around her.

Dorota looked at her, worried but Blair just sat there with an amazed expression and the biggest smile on her face. She looked up to Dorota and said, "I am pregnant Dorota, I am having Dan's baby."

.

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_**A/N: I know there was no Dan in this chapter as well but I promise that he will be in the next chapter, if it makes you happy, I will also add the scene of their baby's conception, its gonna be super romantic. Please read and review. I will be really grateful :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N  
**

**Must thank all the readers who stopped by and read it and special thanks to those who reviewed it. Dan makes an appearance in this chapter and I hope you guys like what you read.  
**

**July 2012**

"Pregnant? Does Mister Lonely Boy know?" Dorota asked.

"Stop being so stupid Dorota, I just found out like half a minute ago, how can Dan know this? And can you stop calling him Lonely Boy; he obviously has not been that lonely of late if he has fathered a child," said an exasperated Blair.

Dorota has the grace to look to look sheepish, and said, "but you never cared much before if I called him Lonely Boy."

"Now I do and you would not call him that," stated Blair.

Blair comes back into her room and stretched out on her bed. She knew exactly the moment her baby was conceived. She remembered all the details vividly ….

**May 2012**

Blair has just come back from the craziest day of her life and she just discovered that Bart bass is alive. All she wanted was a hot meal, a hot bath and tell Dan all about her super fanatical day of strange brothels, scheming and seeing a dead man alive.

Dan was waiting for her in the loft when she got there. She asked him to go out and grab a bite and he agreed. And just as they were out on their way Dan stopped for a second and said, "I love you, you know that right?"

Blair was in a shock for a moment. Never in her life has she imagined that Dan would say those precious three words to her for the first time when she is half way out into the hallway with a neighbour's bicycle in audience! All should could say in response was, "I do, now."

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

'I do now! Who says shit like that!' she cursed herself.

But there was no way she could have taken those words back. They went out for dinner but she could sense that Dan was a bit quiet and Dan is hardly ever quiet, at least not with her.

She tried to make small talk as they were getting ready for bed but he remained withdrawn. She got angry at Dan but decided not vent it. I mean who says I love you for the first time when they are going out to a late dinner after a day from hell? She was expecting a romantic night, perhaps some champagne, something far more personal than the entrance of the loft and an offhand, "I love you, you know that right?" Fuck it and fuck Dan Humphrey!

It was only when they went to bed that he relaxed, spooned her, kissed her shoulder and went to sleep.

Blair was relieved that at least he was his normal loving self in bed.

She woke up to the smell of coffee wafting through the loft. She went up and sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen counter and watched Dan working in the kitchen. He gave her a smile but did not say anything. She watched him for a few seconds and all of a sudden her heart rushed with feelings of fondness, incredible affection and … perhaps love. She had to show him even if she is not brave enough to bare her heart and tell him how she feels. She slid off from the stool and hugged Dan from behind.

"Are you mad at me for staying away the whole day yesterday?" she mumbled into his back.

Dan turned around so he was facing her and said, "No I am not mad but I would have liked it more if you had kept me in the loop."

"I am sorry Dan, I really am," she said.

Blair stood on her tip toes and kissed him – lightly. Dan deepened that kissed and made sure that she opened her mouth for him. She tore her mouth away from his perfectly sculpted lips and moved onto his neck. She grabbed his hair which were still slightly wet after the shower and ran her tongue across his jaw line. He smelt fresh, of after shave and promise of happiness. She started unbuttoning his shirt and kissed his chest and then followed the path down with every button undone. He shrugged his shirt away the minute the buttons were undone.

Blair was down on her knees and was unbuckling his jeans when he halfheartedly said, "I was making eggs and the pan is hot already."

"Humphrey! I, Blair Waldorf, am down on my knees and unbuckling your trousers! Can you seriously think of pans and skillets at a time like this?" She cried in typical Blair Waldorf fashion and Dan gave up his faux fight, chuckled and switched off the stove.

She looked up at him, suggestively rubbing her hands up and down his thighs for a moment before pulling down his boxers and reaching for him. "Let's get ready for the time of your life Humphrey; if anything, I can assure you that your kitchen will never be the same."

An hour later, they were both panting on the kitchen floor amidst two spatulas, a woven basket, three kitchen towels, garlics, napkins, and several potatoes that escaped the sack of potatoes under the table when Blair's foot hit it.

Blair was playing with the hair on Dan's chest when he moved his body a little and took out a potato from under his back and held it in his hand.

"Gawwwddd! I will never be able to look a potato in the eye after this!" She exclaimed.

"hahaha, not only have you had your wicked way with me, you kind of mishandled the potatoes in the process," Dan laughed.

"What! I had my wicked way with you, and you were sleeping through it all like a baby, right?" Blair was indignant.

"I was just basking in all the care and attention I was getting from my very loving girlfriend," Dan appeased her.

Dan then sat up with his back against the Kitchen Island and pulled Blair in his laps in a way that she straddled him. He kissed her again and said, "If anyone enters the loft right now, the first thing they will see is your shapely but very naked back."

She smiled into that kiss and said, "Well that's what they should look at, it is the most beautiful thing in this loft."

Dan laughed out loud at that and Blair smiled softly and said, "Perhaps, not as beautiful as your smile."

Dan groaned at that and opened his mouth. "Oh Blair, what will I do without do," Dan asked.

"It's a good thing Humphrey," she punctuated the sentence with tiny little kissed across his face, "that you won't have to do anything without me, except perhaps going to that really shady gym you insist on being a member of and those soccer games that you go to with Nate."

He pulled her body closer. "Not a chance Waldorf, I am sticking with you, even during the soccer games" he said before kissing her again, with a passion and desperation that she had never felt from him before.

After another glorious hour of passion, as they lay side by side, they decided to abandon the idea of a breakfast and headed out to an early lunch after a quick shower.

Blair didn't think much about that morning the, but ten weeks later, sitting in her penthouse after traipsing across half the world with Chuck, she came to realization that she had unprotected sex with Dan that spring day – twice – on his kitchen floor with spatulas and potatoes by their side. That was when she conceived her baby, amidst, all things beautiful – food, books, fun, laughter and love.

**xxxxxxx**

**August 2012 **

Because Blair was so excited and wanted to know about Dan's whereabouts, she called up Nate – her only friend with whom she can talk about Dan – to invite him for dinner. Nate said that he would love to have dinner with her but invited her instead over to his new apartment; he wanted her opinion about some artwork that was sent to him by his decorator. She agreed.

Blair arrived when Nate was setting up places on the kitchen island as he still did not have a dining table. Nate was hungry and asked if they eat straight away and Blair complied. They ate in silence and Blair was thankful for Nate's focus on food otherwise he could have asked why she was not drinking any wine.

After dinner, they discussed the art pieces that were sent to Nate and Blair rejected them all as they did not go with the very modern architecture and fixtures of the apartment. They later settled on the lone couch in front of his huge glass window, Nate with a glass of bourbon and Blair with a cup of coffee.

"You know what Nate, when Serena was dating Dan and they were on one of their many break ups I told Serena that the only thing worse than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey. Who knew one day I would not only be dating and mourning Dan Humphrey but would also be pining for him, and feeling physically sick because he is not around," she was looking outside the window.

Nate Chuckled.

She turned around and raised her eye brow in question.

"You have got it bad Blair; real bad. I just wish that Dan is back here already. Listening to you rambling on about the virtues of Dan is definitely affecting a drop in my testosterone levels, if he is not back soon, you will want to braid my hair" laughed Nate.

"I do have it bad, don't I?" She smiled.

Nate shrugged.

"And I can still braid your hair, now that you have mentioned, you do have really nice hair. How do you feel about corn rows?" She said while touching his hair.

"Stay away from my hair Blair, anyone messing with my awesome hair merits the harshest punishment," Nate pulled away from Blair's hands.

Nate refreshed his glass of bourbon and returned to the couch.

"Blair, don't get me wrong, I root for you guys and all that but he has been gone for close to three months and you guys did not part on good terms – or any terms at all – a lot can happen in those three months. He is traveling, meeting people; he may have started dating someone else for all we know. I am not raining on your parade but I want you think of all possible scenarios before you get your hopes up," Nate hesitated when pointing this out to Blair.

"Thanks for being so concerned Nate, I am really touched, but I have a feeling that things will go my way, I have an ace up my sleeve," she smiled mischievously.

"And what would that be?" asked Nate.

"Dan has to hear it first, I promise you will be the next to know," Blair touched his arm to reassure him.

They both sat quietly and then Nate looked at her and said, "I am glad we are reconnecting, it's like we knew each other but never really hung out since we graduated from high school. You are my oldest friend and I am glad that you feel comfortable enough to confide everything me. Despite all the awkwardness of the past."

"Oh Nate, so am I. I had forgotten how kind you can be, I am just as glad to rediscover an old friendship. But enough about me tell me what is happening with you and what happened to Serena lite? I thought you guys were serious or something," asked Blair.

Nate filled her up with everything that has happened with Lola, talked some more about Spectator, his family drama with his mom and grandfather and ended up the visit with eliciting a promise from Blair to help him with decorating his home.

.

**xxxxxx**

.

Blair spent next couple of weeks working with Nate's decorator on his apartment. She stalled the remodeling in her penthouse and decided to turn Serena's room into a nursery instead of an office. She was waiting to find out the baby's sex before she plunges into the plans for nursery.

**August 2012**

It was during a visit to a baby store that she saw the gossip girl blast about Dan's return. She immediately returned home, changed into that plaid skirt she bought, refreshed her makeup and headed to Brooklyn.

She was a bundle of nerves when she was climbing up the stairs of Dan's Brooklyn loft. She knocked softly and waited.

The door opened and she looked up in hope but was disappointed to see Rufus on the other end of the door.

"Oh Blair, what can I do for you?" asked Rufus. He clearly was not expecting her.

"Umm hi Rufus, how are you doing?" Blair smiled nervously. She was not prepared to see Rufus.

"I am good Blair," and then after a brief pause Rufus asked, "I am sure you are not here to ask about me, so let's cut to the chase, what brings you here?"

"I heard Dan is back and errr …. I was wondering if I can speak with him," Blair asked tentatively. She has no idea how much Rufus knows about their break up and how much she can tell him. She decided to play safe and not talk about it.

"Yes, Dan is back but he is out, may be you can come later," Rufus said and was about to close the door but Blair stopped him with her hand on his arm.

"I know I may not be your favourite person at the moment – or ever – but please, can I wait here for Dan. I really need to speak with him. It is kind of urgent," Blair pleaded.

Rufus thought for a few brief seconds and then stepped aside and let Blair in. She stepped in and thanked him.

Rufus asked if she wants anything and she asked for some water.

Rufus asked her to make herself comfortable, handed her a bottle of water and he went inside Dan's office. From the sound of it, he was moving things in there. She waited for about half an hour when she received Nate's call.

"Are you at Dan's" Nate asked.

"Yes, are you tracking me through Gossip Girl?" She laughed.

"Is Rufus around?" Nate asked again.

"He is in Dan's office, what happened? You are scaring me Nate," Blair panicked.

"Just make an excuse or something and come to my office, Dan is not gonna be home anytime soon."

"What?" Blair was flabbergasted. "He is avoiding me to the extent that he is not even coming back to his own home?"

"Listen, get out of the loft and come to my office, I can set you guys up and do it quickly," said Nate.

"I am on my way," said Blair.

"Errrr Rufus, I just received a call and have to rush. But can you please tell Dan that I stopped by and waited for him?" asked Blair.

"Sure, I will," Rufus smiled a little tightly, as if he is in an uncomfortable position.

Blair headed out to her town car and headed straight to the Spectator's office. She called Nate on her way; he was actually waiting for her in the lobby. Apparently Rufus called Dan to let him know that Blair is waiting for him at the loft, Dan said that he dreaded meeting Blair and went to Nate's. Nate knew how badly Blair wanted to speak with Dan so he sent him to his new apartment saying that he is heading out for a meeting but he will see him as soon as he is free and then called Blair so that he can set up a meeting between the two estranged lovers.

"Blair, I am putting my friendship with Dan at risk by letting you see him in my apartment, just don't do anything stupid okay," Nate had a worried look when he handed her the keys to his apartment.

"Don't worry Nate, it will all be settled before you get home," Blair smiled but she was not as sure about the outcome of the impending meeting with Dan. She is hurt that Dan is avoiding her.

The elevator ride to Nate's apartment seemed like the longest elevator ride ever.

She stood outside the apartment door debating whether she should ring the bell or open the door with Nate's key. She mustered all the courage she had and opened the door.

"Nate is that you? That perhaps was the shortest business meeting if you are here in twenty five minutes flat," said Dan as he headed towards the door. He stopped in the middle of Nate's hall when he saw Blair.

"What are you doing here? Has Nate sent you here? I am going to kill that bastard," Dan declared.

"Hi Dan," said Blair in a small voice.

"Nate is not here, if you want to see him, go to Spectator's office, you may catch him there," said Dan.

"I am not here to see Nate, said Blair while looking at her very nervous hands.

"I hope we could talk Dan," she dared to look up at him.

"Why? There is nothing left to say."

"Please Dan, let me explain what happened back in May," Blair begged.

"What's there to explain, you were confused, you shacked up with me during that confusion and as soon you were able to clear your head, you went back to your epic love."

"I am not with Chuck Dan, that's what I have been trying to tell you."

"Ha, do I look like I give a damn?" sneered Dan, "You can set up house with Kim Jong-un in North Korea for all I care."

Blair is shocked, she has never seen Dan like this – livid – not even when he was fighting with her after she banished Jenny from New York. "Dan, it is very important that we talk, I have to tell you that I am not with Chuck, I am not in love with Chuck and if you can forgive me, I would like us to try again," she says quietly. "You...you're too important to me."

"Oh please, you now want to get back together with me but who knows for how long would you want me? Three months, six months or a whole fucking year? You came to me broken and wanting to discover yourself, you then fixed yourself and went back to him and now you want me back? Am I some kind of rehab for people suffering from the crack called Chuck?" Dan was angry, "Should I put out a sign outside the loft and set up a webpage for Chuck Anonymous?"

She was quiet, very quiet. "I know it is too much to ask ..." Her voice is low, husky, threatening to crack. "But I really want you to forgive me." She looks at him. "I have changed Dan; the old Blair would probably have difficulty saying she is sorry and that she has made a series of horrible decisions in her life. Here I am, admitting that I was wrong and I am asking, no, begging you for forgiveness. Please forgive me and take me back. I am not the same without you, in fact I am half the person without you," Blair was crying openly, tears streaming down her beautiful face.

"You have changed, yes, but then you will change again, like you did last time" he rubbed his eyes as if he is really tired. "I did not run after you Blair, I just told you that I wanted to be with you and backed off, you came to me, promising me the world when you told me that Chuck does not have your heart anymore. And the fool that I was, I believed you."

Blair was sobbing and her face was down, Dan looked at her and said, "You know what I wanted most for you? I wanted you to be happy, even before I fell in love with you; I couldn't bear to see sadness in your eyes that is why I helped you through all your crazy plans, when you wanted to defy Chuck's dating fatwa or when you wanted to take down his prostitute of a girl friend. I helped you get your internship back at W, went through all your pregnancy and paternity drama because I wanted you to be happy. Heck, I sent you off with Chuck even when it was breaking my heart. Do you know why I did that? I wanted you to be happy and more than anything in the world, I wanted to be the source of that happiness in you, even if meant denying myself and sending you off with Chuck," Dan said quietly, "but you had to come back and give me hope that I too can have my fairytale."

Dan sat down, he was angry and hurt and he too was crying. "I was broken when you left me without a word Blair. I keep going back to everything I said and did and wondered if it was anything I did that pushed you away."

"No you did nothing wrong, if anything you were the perfect boyfriend," Blair tried to interject but Dan hardly listened.

"The thing is that I don't really care anymore, I don't care if you are happy or miserable or content. Whether you are with Chuck or a prince or a movie star, I don't feel anything and I had to work very hard to be here, to not feel," Dan looks up at her bent figure still standing in Nate's hall.

"After you bailed on me, I decided to go to my writing program in Rome but I could not survive a week without you, I would just sit like a zombie the whole day staring out of the window. I then went to Prague and drank every alcoholic concoction available to dull the pain of losing my love and the insult of being dumped oh so unceremoniously, I ran after every girl with chestnut hair calling your name. I tried scuba diving, paragliding, bungee jumping and what not to not feel the pain of my broken heart. I have worked really hard on myself, please don't ask me to forgive and work on us being anything other than strangers. I don't know for how long you want me around this time and I don't think my poor heart can take another such beating."

"Saying goodbye is important, Blair, at least I deserved that, but you could not even fit that in your schedule after you decide to run after Chuck!" Dan was devastated.

"Dan please, don't be like this," Blair was crying with tears streaming down her face.

"I'm not saying this to be cruel, Blair," he continued, he is no longer angry, just resigned and very very tired, "it's just that if I am broken again, I may not be able to heal."

"Okay, I will go away for now, but I will keep coming back until you believe that I mean business this time around," Blair tried to smile and then added, "before I go, I just wanted to share something with you."

Dan looked at her with a raised eye brow, Blair looked him in the eye and quietly said, "I am pregnant."

Blair waited for Dan's response but there was none; he just keep staring at her blankly. She thought he did not listen what she said, so she said it again, "Dan, did you hear? I am pregnant."

Dan just stared at her and then laughed like he just came out of a trance.

"Wow! Blair Waldorf, getting knocked up twice in a year? For a girl who always took pride in her meticulous planning, two unplanned pregnancies are a tad clumsy, don't you think? Or was this one planned? Should I congratulate you and Chuck and or is there another guy in the scene? Where do I send a gift, are you registered somewhere?" Dan tried to mock her but it was obvious that he was in pain.

"Stop it Dan, the baby is yours, I have not been with anyone since you!" Blair cried.

"Yeah right, and I am supposed to believe that? You cheated on every one of your boyfriends with Chuck, why should I be an exception? In any case, we have not been together for a very long time and I've always used protection. Don't pin this baby on me, Blair Waldorf, I am done with your pregnancy dramas," Dan was scathing.

"Last time, it was I who pushed you into having the paternity test, with me out of the scene; you probably have not even bothered to find out who is the father, right?" Dan asked.

"Enough Dan, I am willing to beg you for forgiveness and I am willing to work hard to gain back your trust but I won't have my child begging the father for acceptance. You know that I am pregnant and your child will be here, in this world, in about six months' time. Just for the record no protection is fool proof and we did have unprotected sex – twice," she turned to come back but then looked back at him. Dan was looking at the wall behind her with a painful expression on his face. "And Dan, I don't need a paternity test when I have only been with one man since the beginning of the year," she added quietly.

Blair wiped away her tears and resolved to be strong for her baby; she is hurt that Dan is questioning the paternity of the baby but she is willing to give him a time to process the news. They both are here and she is determined to wear him down.

"Before I go, I can promise you two things Dan Humphrey. One: I'll never give up on you... ever. Two: I will never ask you for anything for my child; because a baby should not have to ask the father for anything. You had a loving and present father in Rufus; you know how a dad is supposed to be. If you want to find me, you know where I am and how to reach me. Even if you decide to not want to be with me, I just hope that you have it in your heart to be there for a child that you created with me," said Blair with tears and her mascara running down her face and stepped out.

She waited in the foyer for five minutes hoping that Dan would come after her, she ran out to her town car when he didn't.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N**

**So what did you guys think? I am open to suggestions of you have and please please review it even if you have to criticize anything, the story, the narrative or the style. looking forward to hearing from you guys.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**

**This is the chapter which sets the pattern for the rest of the story, how Blair goes through her pregnancy and how Dan will deal with everything to do with Blair and his emotions. I want to thank each and every one of the readers who read and those who took time out to review it, please review this chapter as well because I need your feedback to improve as a writer.**

**In the aftermath of Blair's meeting with Dan**

Blair came back and crashed in her room; she stayed in her bed for the next two days. Had it been not for Dorota who was making sure that she was getting her meals on time and switching on the lights when the day ends, Blair would not have moved or figured out if it was day or night. She was so heartbroken that she could not even cry, she was in a state of prolonged shock. She never thought Dan would react the way he did to the news of her pregnancy and his impending fatherhood. In her mind, she had pictured a scenario where he would be overjoyed with the prospect of fatherhood. What makes her sadder is the fact that she cannot even tell if he was just lashing out at her in anger or if he actually believed that he was not the father of her baby. How could he even think that she would hoist another man's baby on him? She may be a lot of things but she was no Georgina Sparks. She alternates between despair and anger at Dan for not believing her, but in the end she was just sad to be in a situation where Dan did not trust her.

Nate called Blair quite a few times since her fateful meeting with Dan but she did not have any strength to talk to anyone so she did not pick up her phone. Two days later Nate was in her room, with a jug full of water in his hands giving Blair an ultimatum to get out of the bed, if she failed to do that, he will pour the whole liter and half of cold liquid on her. Blair reluctantly opened her eyes and told him to wait for her downstairs while she freshens herself. Twenty minutes later when she went down, she saw that Dorota has prepared a weekend case for her and she was told that she was leaving with Nate. When she asked where she was going, she was told that she is not allowed to ask and only follow one Nate Archibald. She smiled and complied.

Nate and Blair ended up in the Hamptons. As it was the end of summer, most of the people have left the place so it was lovely and quieter than what they have usually experienced. The Vanderbilt mansion on the beach turned out to be the perfect getaway that Blair needed to get out of her misery. She swam in the pool, she rested a lot, read a trashy romantic novel, she sun bathed and her appetite was back. In short, she forgot about everything else and she was content for a short while. Though Nate was with her most of the time, he was kinda distracted and was either on his computer or his blackberry busy with his magazine and other stuff. One day, when he thought Blair was sleeping on the lounger, he even spoke with Chuck. They were discussing a meeting that Nate arranged for Chuck through his grandfather. Blair smiled and thought that Nate may not let everyone know but he is the only who has been there for them all, oh so selflessly. She vowed that she will pay it all back, whenever and in whatever way she can.

When she came back to New York after the invigorating weekend at the Hamptons, she felt listless again. It was then she decided that she will spend her pregnancy away from the prying eyes of Gossip Girl and every other click happy New Yorker with a camera phone. She called her mother to discuss the possibility, Eleanor was a little worried about her being away from everyone but in the end between her parents, step parents and Dorota, they worked out a schedule which meant that Blair will not be alone in the Hamptons. Both her parents, Cyrus and Roman decided that they will take turns to stay with her. Dorota will drive down to the Hamptons with her kids and Vanya for the weekends.

**xxxxxxx**

**The Hamptons – September 2012**

The first person who volunteered to be with Blair was Cyrus. He flew to New York the next week and drove down to the Hamptons with Blair where he had arranged for a villa with four beautiful bedrooms and a small pool for Blair.

The first thing that Blair did on her arrival was registering herself with a private and very discreet obstetrician in the Hamptons. She was done with her first trimester and was feeling better, if a little lethargic which according to the doctor was normal, she was asked to be as normal and stress free as she can be and for the sake of her unborn child, Blair decided that she will not concentrate on anything but her health and that of her child.

Nate called her a few days later and was taken aback when she told him that she has decided to stay in the Hamptons for a while. He offered her to stay in the Vanderbilt mansion but she told him that she has made other arrangements. She mulled over telling Nate about her pregnancy but decided not to because she did not want to put pressure on Dan. Knowing Nate and his super caring persona that she has recently discovered, she had a feeling that he would go after Dan with a hammer to reconcile with a pregnant Blair. Though she wanted that very badly, she did not want that reconciliation to be under duress so she did not tell him anything about her pregnancy.

They talked some more and Nate promised her that he would go and talk to Dan and will try to gauge his feelings about Blair's stunt of running away and coming back and where the two of them stand.

**New York – September 2012.**

Dan was crazy busy with writing, re writing and fighting with his editor over some of edits she has recommended. On top of that he had to do two articles that were commissioned to him about the creative process away from home and being an American in Europe. He was drinking a lot of coffee, was busy either hunched up in front of his computer or in meetings with people from his publishing house, his agent, his editor, the marketing team who wanted the book to be out before the Thanksgiving weekend. He was happy that he was busy because when he goes to bed at night, no matter how tired he is, he thinks about the girl who still has his heart. He thinks about how she smelled - like berries and sun shine, how she smiled - like the sun is peeking through the clouds, how she ran her hands through his hair even when she claimed to hate them. He wondered if she was telling the truth and if she was really pregnant and then he thought about his misery when she left him, without a word. He has even looked her up on gossip girl but even gossip girl was quiet about Blair, it's like she has just vanished and no one knows where she is. At times he wondered if he should call her to check upon her but then he remembered the time when he ended up passed out and drunk in an alley in Prague because he was suffering from a broken heart which she caused and was hospitalized for three days. That helps him in rebuilding his resolve and he decided to not to call her – Blair Waldorf – who still has the power to hurt him with a mere glance.

One evening, Nate decided to check upon Dan after work. Rufus was helping a bunch of west coast kids in producing their albums and was in San Francisco for a couple of weeks. Dan was staring blankly at his computer screen when Nate entered the loft. He did not even notice when Nate came in. He asked Dan to move his ass which is growing roots to the stool where he sat and get him a beer; Dan laughed and asked if he came all the way to Brooklyn just to yell at him and for some free beer. They both moved to the couch and watched a basketball game for a while. Dan asked him about his work and Nate said that he was thinking of setting up a small office on the West coast and if that worked out they way he was planning, he would take out a West Coast edition of Spectator in a few months time. Dan was very happy at this news and said that if his next book flops, he will expect Nate to reserve a spot for him in his new office. Nate refused point blank and said that spectator has no place for 21 year old washed up writers and they only hire the brightest of the crop. They both laughed and Dan reminded him that by the time his second book would have flopped, he would be 22 year old.

When Nate asked Dan what was keeping him glued to the computer, Dan told him that he is supposed to start a blog and has to post at least five entries before his book is launched as part of the marketing strategy and he was drawing a blank. Nate and Dan discussed some ideas before Nate steered the conversation towards Blair. He asked Dan if he still has feelings for her.

"It depends what you consider feelings," Dan shrugged, "I alternate between deep loathing to mild irritation to profound sadness to a sense of loss so unfathomable that at times I think I will die of it."

"Come on man, admit that you still love her and cut her some slack. She knows that she had committed a huge blunder but she is human and she has admitted her mistake. What she did was wrong, not only to you but also to Chuck, but the person she has hurt most is perhaps herself," Nate tried to reason with Dan.

Dan moved away from the couch, picked up his beer bottle and drank it in one go. He looked out of the window with his back to Nate and said. "You know what, it took me a long time, a very long time to fall in love with her, even when I was with other girls and I did not even know what it was, I was falling for her, in fact I have been falling for her all the years that I have known her, is that even possible that you keep falling for a person without knowing it?" He asked.

Nate hesitated for a minute but then took out his phone and first texted Blair to just listen to this phone call and not say a word and then dialed her number and put the phone on speaker. He believed that Blair needed to listen to what Dan had to say, even if it was cruel, she needed to hear it to come to terms her situation. If it was Dan's admission of love, then she needed to hear it to go on and decide about her plan of action. He then asked Dan what he meant by it.

Dan needed no further prompting and went on. "Before the second year at college, I never realized but I have started admiring her for the person she was. I knew I was falling for her when she was planning to take Chuck back from Raina; at that time,I never thought I had a chance with her. When Louis came into the scene and proposed to her, I had resigned to fact that I will love her, perhaps forever, from afar. Let's be real, I mean what hope would a person like me have when faced with an opponent whose birthright is to rule a country? I was the first person whom she told about her pregnancy and I was even happy being her best friend – at least I was part of her life. She confided in me about her conflicted feelings for Chuck and Louis and I listened because I was happy that she was turning to me. Even when it killed it me, I made sure that she runs away with Chuck because I thought he would make her happy. I always knew that if there was no Louis, then there would be Chuck and if there was no Chuck there would be someone like either Chuck or Louis. Never in my life have I ever dreamed that Blair Waldorf would deign to look at Dan Humphrey in a romantic way. I was never in contention until she asked me about what would make me, Dan Humphrey, happy."

"You know Nate, that moment when she asked me that, somehow I gathered courage and showed her in all honesty that it was she who would make me happy. Even then I didn't dare hope. How can Labradors end with princesses from Upper East Side? I was content in my misery but she had to ruin it. She had to come and tell me that I had her heart, she had to come back and kiss me, she had to come and show me how crazy, exasperating but at the same time how exhilarating and wonderful life can be when Blair Waldorf is your girl friend.

"I always knew she was beautiful, I am a man at the end of day, but it was never about her beauty. As I got to know her, I began to realize that beauty was least of her qualities. I got my internship at W because Lily got it for me whereas she had to stalk the editor and sent out applications to 342 fax machines in the building to be in the exact same position that I was in. That taught me what a judgmental douche bag I have been around her all my life. I was fascinated by her fortitude and her commitment to everything she did, I was drawn by the whole package that was Blair Waldorf, strong, dignified, hard working, beautiful and always very classy! I did not understand what was happening to me. It was only when I started feeling her pain as mine that I realize that I was falling for her. It was when I began to feel real physical pain every time she would leave the room that I realize that I was beyond the stage of falling in love. I was in love with Blair. Head over heels, crazy in love! I knew it was hopeless but I never mattered to me."

Blair was listening to Dan's admission on the other end of the line and was stuffing her hand into her mouth to stop sobbing. She had tears streaming down her face and she was remembering all the times when Dan was there for her. It was also giving her hope that future cannot be as bleak as she is has imagined it to be.

Back in New York, Dan was going on.

"She is crazy Nate, and you of all the people should know that, but somehow, I was the perfect foil for her brand of crazy. I got her like no one did and she got me. I would find little post its everywhere in the loft when she leaves. On the shampoo bottle, on the coffee machine, on my laptop and inside my sock drawer. Even when they say things like "don't wear plaid" or "don't eat pork before meeting your editor", they would assure me that I mattered to her, that I was important. Sometimes she would write sweet nothings like "think of me when you are writing" or "can't wait to see you till tonight." Who would've thought that Blair Waldorf would resort to silly romantic gestures but she did that and she did that for me. She would fuss over what I would wear to my meetings; she would make sure that I meet my deadlines. I thought it was very important to her that I am successful at what I do but it was not. I was successful and good at what I do because of her, she inspired me creatively, she made me want to be worthy of her. She made me feel like I could conquer the world if she is by my side."

"Serena said that I didn't love Blair and that I fell in love with the character Claire that I wrote in my book; she said that I was bending myself backwards for Blair while she did not care about me or our relationship. But that was not true; she would tell Dorota about the food that I like and made sure that I get that when I am at her house and would then pretend that she couldn't care less. That was Blair's convoluted way of showing that she cared and honestly, I wouldn't have her any other way."

Dan somehow got quiet after his long monologue about loving Blair and being loved by Blair. Nate was observing his distraught friend and was trying to figure out the problem. It was as obvious to anyone with half an eye that Dan is still very much in love with Blair, Blair has told him hundreds of time that she is madly in love with Dan and he thought all this anguish is for nothing. Just when he was about to point out the obvious, he remembered what Serena said to Dan about Blair.

"Err Dan, when did you speak to Serena about Blair and why the hell did you do that?"

"Oh man, I never discussed my love life with Serena, it would've been more awkward than the situation already was; you know, me her ex dating her best friend who she thought I hated and what not. Just when Blair was leaving me for Chuck, Serena was trying to convince me that I was wasting my time with Blair because she will always go back to Chuck and the girl I thought I was in love with is not Blair but my imagination of what Blair could be. I hated Serena for saying that but I guess she knew Blair better than any of the guys who dated her and that includes both of us."

Nate picked up the phone and ended the call. He tapped on Dan's shoulder and when he turned, he hugged him and said, "I won't talk to you about Blair anymore, I know you love her but I also know that you are hurt and you need more time to come to term with everything that has happened but for your sake and hers, I hope that you realize that sooner than later."

Dan raises his eye brow and laughed, "When did you become the sage one, pontificating on life and handing out advice?"

"Dude, I always was the smart one, you guys never bothered to look deeper," he laughed back.

They promised to hang out during the weekend and parted ways.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Nate called Blair as soon as he sat down in his town car.

"Blair, have you heard everything he said?" asked Nate.

"Blair, are you there?" Nate asked again when he did not hear anything from the other and.

And then he heard a sob.

"Oh Nate, how can I be a fool and let go of a man who loved me unconditionally and thought that he had to work hard to be able to deserve me even when I was at my most difficult? Why did I do that? Why am I so self destructive and what can I do to show him that he was right all along and I was a blithering idiot who couldn't see it," Blair said in a tear stained voice. It was obvious that she was crying ever since she heard Dan's admission of love for her.

"Just give him some time to heal; you have broken his heart very badly. It's gonna take more time than you think. Just sit tight and have faith that what you guys feel for each other is stronger than everything else, okay?" Nate asked.

"Yes, I can wait. If Dan can wait for me all this time, so can I," Blair said in a determined voice and thanked Nate for everything.

She will wait, not only she has her baby to look forward to, she now believed that she Dan in her future as well.

.

.

**A/N: **

**I know this chapter was low on drama and high on angst but I promise that the next chapter would be high on Drama. I will try to be more punctual with the updates as I want to finish this before the next season starts in a month's time. If anyone of my readers want me to tackle something in particular, please do let me know.  
**

**Please read and review, you know your feedback means a lot to me :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **

_**Many apologies for the delay in posting this chapter, I was being super lazy. Once again, I would like to thank everyone who read my fic and special thanks to those who reviewed my work. **_

_**This chapter in Blair's POV and covers the period from September 2012 to December 2012. The next chapter would cover the same period but from Dan's POV and how he feels about the situation.** _

**September - October 2012**

For the next few days, she kept hoping he would contact her, but he never did. She asked Nate to check upon him and he told her that Dan is busy with his editor, shaping the final draft of his second book that is due in fall. Dan was so busy that even Nate could not see him for two weeks. With Both Nate and Dan busy, she decided to get invested in her pregnancy. She became a member to a local pre natal group that was meeting every Thursday and she joined a yoga camp for expecting mothers. She was determined to be the healthiest mother who was eating right and exercising so that her baby would be perfectly healthy. After the untimely termination of her previous pregnancy, she wanted everything to be just right this time around. Above all, she did not want to fail Dan again.

Dorota would come every weekend from New York with her kids – sometimes with Vanya sometimes without him – and would find faults with everything that Martha, the housekeeper/cook Blair had hired in the Hamptons. Blair who never thought that she would be interested in young children would watch both Anastasia and Leo very closely and was very happy to spend time with them. Dorota was also her link to New York and she would fill her in about everything and everyone, although even she knew that she was not supposed to talk about Chuck Bass, Serena Van der Woodson or Dan Humphrey.

Blair decided to respect Dan's wishes and she stayed away for the time being, wanting to give him space and making sure that his book was a success. While wishing that she was with him, she became somewhat like Dan and started writing long detailed letters to Dan, pouring her heart out to him. She wrote them on her personalized stationary, put them in thick cream personalized envelopes and mark each letter by its number and date. On an average, she would write three letters a week, telling him everything and nothing. One day she would write about her yoga classes with other pregnant women and tell him about each and every one of them. She would speculate what Dan would say about them and how she would admonish him for being judgmental. One letter would list her future aspiration about how she would become a powerful woman and how she wanted to be one with him. In one letter, she would be fretting over preschool choices of her still unborn child and in the next one she would be all relaxed saying that a Waldorf name would ensure that her child would get best possible education. One letter would be very romantic, telling Dan how she had fallen for him when she was not paying attention but the next letter would be very sad telling him how life is colorless without him and how desolate it would be if did not come back to her. In one letter, she apologized about banishing Jenny not because she is ashamed of her very dictatorial act but because it caused him the pain of losing his sister who he obviously loved very much. She wrote that she had no idea how strong a bond between siblings could be and she was happy and envious that Dan knew it. She hoped that their child would have a sibling or two to and would avoid his mother's lonely childhood. In one letter she told him that when she wakes up in the morning, he is the first person that pops into her head and how she wills to think of him every night before she sleeps because she wants her baby to look like him.

Ramon stayed with her for the first two weeks of October and they had the most fabulous time with each other. Ramon was full of ideas about nursery and even made a few sketches. Blair appreciated them but did nothing as she did not even know where she would be living after her pregnancy. Roman left when her father joined her in October. Her mother would come and stay with her after she was done with fashion weeks in November and will stay in US till New Year.

She kept abreast about Dan's activities through his fan pages on facebook and learned that his new book is due a week before Thanksgiving and that he would be touring the country and Australia and New Zealand for readings and book signings till Christmas. Every time she would go through the magazines and literary blogs looking for anything on Dan Humphrey and would find people and critics speculating about the contents of his upcoming books, she would feel an immense sense of pride. Even though some said that it would be an even more scathing portrayal of people and life in UES, but she was unfazed, she had faith in her Dan.

**November 2012**

She went into town to get her post second trimester sonogram when the doctor accidentally let slip that her "boy" seemed to be the active type and the way he was kicking during the sonogram he will probably end up in a soccer team. Blair was grinning from ear to ear when she heard that and told the doctor that her baby's father used to play to soccer in high school. She couldn't wait to tell Dan that so she came home and decided that she has given him enough time to cool off and called the loft as she did not have Dan's new number or email address but Dan was not around. Rufus was cordial with Blair but asked her if she could wait for a few more weeks. He said that he is worried about his son, that he has spend too much time fretting over Blair and can she be considerate enough to give him next few weeks when he can enjoy the launch of his book and the consequent book tour. Blair did not like it but she promised that she will not contact Dan until he comes back from his book tour. Before she rang off, she asked Rufus if he will pass on her letters to Dan and he agreed.

Blair sat down and wrote the longest letter about her unborn son and how he is like his father even before he has seen him. She asked Dan about his suggestions for a name and said she would be open to suggestions as long as he was not calling their son Fitzgerald, Ernest, Ezra or Hemmingway. She arranged all 48 of her letters in chronological order in a hand woven basket and instructed Dorota to hand deliver that basket to Rufus when she goes back to New York. Dorota reported that she did just that when she came back next week.

Dorota also brought a copy of Dan's latest book when she came next. Unlike what everyone was speculating or expecting, _"All over again"_ was nothing like '_Inside'_. It was a whimsical beautiful and quirky homage to the process of falling in love. The book is about two lovers who keep falling in love with each other all over again, in every decade of their live – from teenage years to well in their sixties – and in different parts of the world. It was non linear, surreal and dreamlike and oh so romantic. What made reading the book even more enjoyable to her was the dedication. He dedicated the book "To the woman who keeps happening to me all over again." She does not know if it was a reference to them playing Newland Archer and Countess Olenska in high school, the romance of that dedication or the belief that if you are supposed to love a person, you keep falling in love with that person all over again.

The minute she finished the book she wrote another letter to Dan, telling him how she loved the fact that he used incident from their lives in all six love stories in his book. The teenagers would bicker like they used to, the couple in their twenties fell in love with each other during their internship in a magazine, the couple in their thirties fell in love with each other while watching classic cinema, the couple in their forties fell in love with each other when they met during an intervention to save the man's ex wife and the woman's best friend from her coke and alcohol addiction. The couple in their fifties fell in love while debating the relevance of modern art to the society during a seminar and the couple in their sixties fell in love while picking their favorite jazz age American writers. She confessed her love for him yet again and wrote that after writing two books that are either about her or allude to her, she is incapable of loving another man. If he wants to keep her out of her misery, he has to come back to her.

**December 19th, 2012**

It was the week before Christmas and Blair was very happy; Dan was expected back this week from Australia and she was hoping that he would read the letters she sent to Rufus during his break. Her dad and Ramon are in Hamptons. Her mother is in New York but she would be joining them later with Cyrus who is flying in from Paris for the Christmas. Dorota too would be coming with her brood. She think that the Christmas would have been perfect if only Dan had been here but Blair was hopeful that they will be spending the next Christmas together as a family.

After lunch, he father and Roman ventured into the town for some last minute shopping and she had the house all to herself. She decided to enjoy the fire that Roman had lit and put her feet up and listen to some classical music. She almost dozed off when she heard someone open the door. She was too comfortable in her position to move and asked if it was Dorota and was greeted with silence. When she did not hear anything she got up and turned around to find Serena standing in her front of her, with her eyes focused on Blair – and her protruding tummy.

Blair too looked at Serena, she looked thinner than her usual self and her hair did not look as shiny as they normally did, for a minute Blair thought that Serena has fallen into her old ways of taking all kinds of drugs but then told herself to not care about her anymore; not after what she did posting pages from her personal diaries on gossip girl and making her life a complicated mess.

It took a few seconds for Blair to compose herself and then she asked, "Serena, what are you doing here? How did you know where I live?"

"So the rumors are true, you are in hiding but instead of being afflicted with some hideous disease, you seem to be toasting the proverbial bun in the oven," Serena cannot seem to take her eyes off Blair's belly.

Blair was not at ease, she covered her belly with one of her hands as if she is trying to protect her baby from Serena's glare, "Thanks for pointing out the obvious Serena but why are you here?"

Serena ignored her once again and asked, "Why are you cooped up here? Why are you not with Chuck? I checked with Nate, he is in London, so what are you doing here instead of being in London with him?"

Blair feels weird but tried to play it casual, "Thanks for letting me know that Chuck is in London and I am sure Nate too would be doing fine in New York, but for the last time, tell me? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

That's when the penny dropped on Serena and she exclaimed, "Ah so you are not with Chuck anymore, is that why you are here, waiting for him to come back you yet again?"

When Blair decided to not to respond to this and was looking at the fire instead, Serena kept staring at her and then it hit her, "OMG, you look like you are about to pop, so it must've be Dan's baby! Oh Blair, just when you leave Dan for Chuck, you find out you are pregnant with his baby and then Chuck dumps you and now you have no one. This is even more pathetic than high school when you thought you were pregnant or last year when you actually were pregnant with Louis' baby. At least back then Chuck wanted to be with you. Now you know that Chuck will never take you back, not with Dan's baby in tow."

Serena started laughing and kept on laughing until Blair could not take it anymore and screamed, "I am NOT waiting for Chuck to take me back and if this is all you wanted to say then I suggest you leave immediately. I have nothing more to say to you."

Serena's laughter stops abruptly and she narrows her eyes on Blair. "What? You are not waiting for Chuck? Then who are you waiting for? Dan?" When Blair did not respond to her question, she was taken aback. "Holy shit, you are actually waiting for Dan to take you back!"

When Blair did not say anything again and tried to moved away from Serena, she blocked her way and said, "Poor Blair, pinning her hopes on the wrong pony again, you think Dan is the loyal type who will make a good daddy? I hate to break it to you but this is what he did the minute you turned your back," and with a flourish, Serena pulls her phone out of her bag and shows Blair the video she shot on her phone at Shepherd's divorce party of Dan and her having sex on the bar counter!

Blair was transfixed. She wanted to look away but she couldn't, she kept looking at Dan, her Dan kissing Serena, pulling her up against her, groaning, enjoying and climaxing.

"Honestly Blair, he did not even know that you were with Chuck, this happened when you just failed to show up, Dan loved me first and he will always come back to me, no woman nor child can keep him away, least of all you." Serena continued with her attack.

Blair jerked out of her trance at that, she moved to the open plan kitchen and took a knife in her hand and very calmly said to Serena, "I have asked you leave many times, I swear I will use it on you if you do not leave immediately. GO Serena and never show me your face again."

Serena left with a smirk on her face, as if she has finally won the war, not just the battle.

The knife fell from her hands with a clutter the minute Serana left; the bravado she was faking in front of Serena left her a second after that. She could not believe what she just saw. It was like her heart was breaking into tiny little pieces every second. She clutched the kitchen counter for support when she felt a searing pain shoot in her tummy and she slid to the floor along with the kitchen counter.

When Dorota arrived ten minutes later she found Blair on the cold kitchen floor with a trickle of blood coming out from between her legs.

**A/N**

_**So what do you think guys? Was Serena too much of a bitch in this chapter? I have always maintained that she is the most self centered character on the show and for some reason people, esp Blair keeps forgiving her again and again. What she did with her in 5x24 is NOT forgivable. I know the GG writers are putting them back together but I personally think it sucks. **_

_**Once again, please review and let me know how do you find my writing. Thanks**_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N  
**

**Thanks a lot everyone who has read and reviewed the previous chapters, please read and review this one as well. Special shout out to cheddercheli who prompted me to post this chapter. Apologies to those who were expecting an update sooner.  
**

**Fans of Jenny should be happy as she is making an appearance in this chapter.  
**

**Dan's PoV**

**September - October 2012**

Even though Dan had this big confessional heart to heart with Nate where he pretty much accepted that he still loved Blair, he could not bring himself to check up on her and see if she was actually pregnant or pulling a fast one on him. There are days when he is convinced that Blair is pregnant and he did not care who the father of the child is but then there would be days when he would be furious with her and would convince himself that Blair – the most accomplished liar he knew – was lying out of malice, like she did back during the Constance days.

In any case, he was busy with rewriting portions of his book. Alessandra was not too happy with the philosophical whimsical love story he wrote because she was expecting a follow up on Inside. It took great effort on Dan's part to get her to agree with his artistic vision so that she can convince his publishers to go ahead with the book. As a compromise, he agreed to re write parts of it to make it more acceptable to mainstream readers so that kept him insanely busy. If he was not writing or re writing, he was in meetings with the publishers, the marketing team or the design team and barely had enough time to see his father or Nate. In a way, it was good as it kept his mind from wandering to one Blair Waldorf and the heart ache that came whenever he thought about her.

**November – December 2012**

Dan is tired. He has been writing and updating a blog that his publisher wanted him to write to generate buzz for his upcoming book. He keeps wondering about Blair and came close to calling her a few times. He is irritated and generally in a bad mood. The night before his book launch, his dad made sure that he is home for dinner, sat him down and told him to forget everything and concentrate on his book launch and the subsequent tour. When he did not say anything, Rufus made him look in the eye and said, "If you are worried about your personal life and how you are going to deal with Blair who seems to be back on the radar, I suggest that you take it easy. Go away for your tour; enjoy your time away and your book. You need this time away from everything familiar to view your situation dispassionately and make the right decision. I will help you in whatever way you want me to when you come back but please go now, if not for yourself, then do it for your old man. I want my son to be best out there."

Dan just got up and hugged his dad and assured him that he will enjoy his book tour. Considering how awfully he was treated by his ex wife Lily, the least he could do for his dad is to make him proud of his son and his accomplishments. When Jenny called the next day to congratulate him on his second book, he asked her to come home for Christmas because he wanted his dad to be around both his children. Jenny promised to visit them for Christmas.

Dan, who never flew before this summer spent the next six weeks flying across America and then to Australia and New Zealand. This book did better than "Inside" and debuted at number 7 on New York Times best seller list. When he landed back in New York on December 21st, an excited Alessandra told him that a second print run is ordered for his book and will come out with the European edition which will be launched early next year.

Jenny was at the loft when Dan got home and was helping their dad with the dinner. She hugged him and teased him about being a celebrity. They stayed up talking for a very long time after that. Rufus bid them adieu at 1.00 am but Dan and Jenny talked about things like they used to before all the drama hit their life. Jenny told him that she remained in touch with Eric who still cannot believe that his mother went back to her resurrected from the dead husband and left Rufus who he loved very dearly. They both reminisced about the time when their dad was happy with Lily and how they thought that that was it for Rufus and how wrong they were about Lily.

Jenny wanted to ask Dan about his love life but Dan told her that he would rather not talk about it. The next three days were slow and at ease and were spent exactly the way Christmas holidays should be spent – lazy, content and doing stupid things with the family. Dan and Jenny went down to Hudson on Christmas Eve to see their mother but came back before midnight and sang songs with their father till late. Christmas was fun as Rufus had invited the young musicians over whose album he was producing. Jenny, being the only girl in company of five very talented young musicians, was very happy and basically left Dan to do most of the chores while she chatted with them. Dan happily obliged as he was happy to see his baby sister having fun.

On Boxing Day, he got a SoS call from Nate; between his mother and grandfather, he was ready to tear his hair out and begged Dan to join him for next few days at the Van der Bilt estate in Connecticut. Dan did not want to go and leave Jenny alone with his dad but she assured him that she will be happy not to see his dopey face and go out and indulge in some honest New York retail therapy. London is great but New York is her home and she missed it terribly and is looking forward to getting reacquainted with the city.

Dan and Nate spent a great deal of their time in Connecticut either drunk or high or both and listened to a lot of old school classic rock music. Dan wanted to ask Nate about Blair but he hesitated. Nate noticed that but did not say anything. They came back in time for Spectator's New Year Party and before he dropped him off at the loft, Nate told him that Blair was fine when he spoke with her about a fortnight ago and it is about time they should end the feud. Even if they are not going to get back together, they need to talk it all out so that both Dan and Blair will stop asking Nate about each other. Dan laughed at that and promised that he will think about it and that he will see him later at the party.

Rufus was not home and Jenny was looking at him oddly when he walked in. When he asked what is wrong with her, she went into his room and brought out a basket full of letters from Blair, put them at the kitchen counter in front of him and asked, "What is going on Dan?"

Dan looked at her, then the basket and asked, "What's with the interrogation Jen?"

"Interrogation?" Jenny was furious, "I am your sister Dan, we spoke with each other every week but you failed to mention that first you were dating Blair Waldorf, then she broke up with you and ran off to Europe and then she is back in US and is now begging you to take her back but you are playing hard to get? Were you planning to tell me anything at all? Don't I deserve that courtesy from my own brother?"

"I am sorry Jen, I just did not know where to start? We barely dated for three months before she left without even telling me and then I was bitter and then she was back and then I did not know what to do with her. Who told you about this anyways?" Dan asked.

"I saw one of the letters lying around in the office, as it had no name; I opened and read this really long letter where Blair Waldorf is professing her undying love for my brother! For a minute I thought it was some kind of sick joke and then I asked Dad about it and he told me. I then called Nate and he filled in with the rest of the story. I did not know how to react to it all Dan, I was flabbergasted. I am sorry, I know I should not have done it but I think I read that letter 15 times. I could not get over it, you and Blair! Together!" Jenny was still a little taken aback.

Dan Shrugged, "Yeah, truth is certainly stranger than fiction."

"You know what I found strangest in the letter? She wrote that your book has little snippets from your time together and how much she loves you for it. She said that after writing two books that are either about her or allude to her, she is incapable of loving another man. I never thought Blair would be mellow enough to say that about anyone, let alone you and then I read your book. You obviously are not over as the book had Blair all over the text. Why don't you go and talk to her?" Jenny asked.

"Seriously Jenny, you too? Of all the people, I thought you would never want me to be with Blair?"

"Stop being a douche Dan, have you even read a single letter she wrote to you?"

When he shook his head and said that he has not read her letters, Jenny sighed. "I don't know what is going on in other letters but I have read this one and if a woman is that crazy about my brother, he is a fool not to go after her, even if she happens to be a control freak maniac like Blair Waldorf."

"Being happy is nothing more than having something to look forward to. What else do you have to look forward to if not her?"

She goes up to Dan and squeezes his hand. "Read this letter Dan, read them all, talk to her and then make up your mind. I may not like her a lot but I love you, you are my only brother and I want you to be happy, even if it means that you will be happy with my nemesis. Life can be a comedy or a tragedy, it all depends on how you look at it and what course of action do you take, do think hard before you make up your mind, okay?"

In a second, Dan makes up his mind. He picks up the basket, grabbed a couple of bottles of beer, heads to his room and texts Nate that he will not be able to make it to his party.

**The Hamptons - December 19****th****, 2012**

Dorota screamed when she saw Blair on the kitchen floor. She dropped all the bags and rushed to her. Vanya who was behind her called 911 the minute he noticed the scene and took both his children to a room. Dorota went to the hospital with Blair while he stayed back and sent both set of parents to the hospital when they arrived.

Blair gave birth to her son just before midnight and as soon as she saw that he was fine, had a thick mop of dark hair on his tiny head and had all his toes she started crying, she cried hard for long and then sobbed herself to sleep. When she woke up next morning, she saw her mother sleeping in a chair by her bed and asked her if she has seen her baby. Eleanor smiled and told her that she has and that Cyrus and Harold are speculating over what she is going to name her son. Harold thinks it would something royal like Henry while Cyrus thinks it would distinctive like Zachary.

"Mom, it is neither Henry, nor Zachary. He will be called Jay. Jay Daniel Waldorf," she said.

"Darling, I don't want to pry but have you told Dan about the baby? It seems strange that he has never visited you throughout your pregnancy and now that the baby is here, he is still not around. What happened? Did you tell him?" Eleanor asked.

"I did, but you know what? He refused to believe me."

"He what!" Eleanor is shocked.

"Yeah mom, I told him about the pregnancy and he knows but he still chose not to contact me so I guess he wants nothing to do with him and I am not going to beg. Not for my baby at least. Can you hand me over your phone, I need to make a phone call," she asks and Eleanor hands him over her phone.

She gasps when she heard who Blair is calling. "Why did you call Chuck, are you getting back with him, please tell me what is going on with you Blair, I cannot keep up with who you are dating and who is your ex, tell me if are you alright?"

"Of course I am not alright, I just gave birth to a pre mature baby who is in an incubator instead of being here with me, the father of my child wants nothing to do with either me or my son, the person who was supposed to be my best friend tried to ruin my life, not just once or twice but multiple times and being a fool, I keep giving her one chance after another. Nothing is right except for the fact that I am a mom and I have a beautiful baby that I need to take care of. I called Chuck because I want to get out of the country as soon as I can and he is going to help me in getting a passport for Jay as soon as possible."

"Mom, you know I was sticking it out here for Dan, but it appears that he has someone else. Now I have no reason to be in New York, I want to be with you guys because I don't think I can do it all by myself. I want to get out of here mom," Blair broke down again and cried. Eleanor sits beside her on the bed and cradles her head in her lap and tells her that everything is going to be fine, that she is going to be fine and that her son is going to be fine and that they are all there for Blair and Jay. Blair asked her mother to make sure that the birth certificate has Dan's name as the father as he never wants her son to be confused about his parentage.

Chuck came through for her and managed to get her a passport in just two days time but the doctors kept Jay under observation for a good ten days. It did seem strange at that time but the only person who visited her apart from her family was Chuck and he acted like a perfect friend. He brought her chocolates, gift for her son and visited her twice during her ten days in the hospital. When she decided to leave US, he offered to drop her off to Paris on his way to Barcelona in his private jet because that's what friends do for each other and she accepted his offer.

**Dan's PoV**

**January 1****st**** 2013**

Dan spent the New Year's Eve reading Blair's letters – all 48 of them. He finished reading them around 6.00 am. He left the first message on her phone after reading her letter about Ramon's insistence on feeding her microbiotic food during her pregnancy. He left the second message after reading the letter about her first sonogram, he left the third message after reading the letter about Jenny and he assured her that if he has his way, their child will have more than one sibling. He left the fourth message after reading the letter about her attending art classes because she wanted to be able to draw their baby herself. By the time he was done with reading all the letters, Blair's voice message box was full.

He left home at 8.00 am, picked up pistachio macaroons, bought her peonies and headed towards Park Avenue to see Blair and seek her forgiveness for acting like an ass for over 4 months. When he entered her apartment building, the doorman told him that no one is currently occupying the Waldorf Penthouse, and that their maid comes in every other day to pick up mail and take care of the apartment. He asked if he can wait and the doorman let him in knowing that he has been a regular visitor in the past. The minute Dan enters the penthouse, his phone rings with a gossip girl blast. There was a photo of Blair with Chuck in front of Bass Industries' Jet with the caption: Flying off to the City of Love; looks like a romantic reconciliation is on the cards?

The flowers and macaroons slipped off Dan's hands as he stared at her photo. From what she had told him and the letters she wrote to him, she should be heavily pregnant by now but she is not. She was wearing a fur lined beige coat cinched at the waist and it is quite obvious that she is NOT pregnant. He wondered if Blair ever was pregnant to begin with or if she was lying to him yet again. He wondered if she only wanted him so that she can break his heart all over again. He wanted to believe that she was right and this photograph is a lie so he called her again and again and again but she never picked up het cell and it went straight to her voice mail.

He left the penthouse and wandered aimlessly around the town and only went back home when he received Jenny's phone calls around lunch time. Back at the loft, he saw Jenny's worried expressions and he knew that she too has seen the latest gossip girl blast. She rushed to him, hugged him and told him that everything is going to be okay, that he is going to be okay and there is more fish in the sea. He nodded his head absently and asked if he could come to London with her and stay there for a bit. She said of course and saw her brother slide down to the couch and closed his eyes. Though it was insanely expensive, she managed to book him on the same flight with her, packed a bag for him and when the time came, woke him up to take him to the airport. Jenny briefed Rufus so he did not ask any questions and just came to drop his two children off and asked them to stay in touch with him.

Dan went through the check in and immigration counter like a zombie not knowing where he was going and what he was doing. Dan was numb with grief, he could not believe his rotten luck that Blair Waldorf would make him believe that she loves him – not once but twice – and would then run away with Chuck Bass without a word. He made one last call to Blair before the stewardess asked him to shut off his cell phone but like all the other calls, it went straight to the voice mail.

Blair's cell phone fell under the sofa when she fell in her Hamptons' house kitchen following Serena's explosive visit. That phone was lying there for the past twelve days with a dead battery. The phone was thrown away when the new tenants rented the place in the summer. No one ever saw the innumerable text messages that Dan sent to Blair after reading her letters and no one listened to those fifteen voice messages he left for her – ever. They both left New York city on the same day thinking that their love was not reciprocated.

**A/N: Will try to post the next chapter soon. Though there was no Dair Interaction but I promise, there will be one in the next chapter and it will be explosive. It will also be in a new city and in a different country. Can anyone guess where they will meet again? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for reading the previous chapters and those who have subscribed to the updates, thanks a lot for that.**

**This the seventh chapter, I hope you guys read it. This is set a little in future. Please review so that I can do a better job.  
**

**I am taking it in a different direction and I think its gonna have an impact on the story, let me know how it goes.  
**

**London - October 2016**

If there is one thing that Blair Waldorf is severely short of, it is time. She runs her own business and helps her mother from time to time in her business, is a single mom to a very energetic young boy and has just gotten enrolled in Goldsmith post grad program for a degree in Creative and Cultural Entrepreneurship. People may see her as someone who has it all and she does have it all – well almost – but nothing she has was handed to her on a platter, she worked very hard for everything and is very proud of it all.

Looking back, if anything made it all possible for her, it was her son Jay. He was the anchor to her life, her source of inspiration and her reason to be better and do better. When she arrived at her father's estate with a two week old Jay, she was in a shambles. She was emotionally drained, physically exhausted and just a bundle of nerves- ready to bawl her eyes out. To top it all, she was not willing to let go of her son for a minute and wanted to do everything herself. One day she just fell down of exhaustion and Harold managed to convince her that it is okay to take help from others. Blair did let him hire a nanny for Jay but she cried to sleep after her nanny's first day. She thought she and Dan would raise their child together but her reality was very different from what she had imagined her life to be.

For three months she stayed cooped up in her father's estate but then she realized that she cannot live her life like that. She not only has to face life but also needs to build a new one – a better one – for her son where he can be proud of his mother. She knew that she has to go back to college but she also knew that she could not go back to New York or Columbia, she spoke to her professors and with their recommendations she managed to get her credits transferred to UCL in London for BA in Language and Culture and finished her degree in about sixteen months, two days before Jay's second birthday.

Her style consulting business took off when she helped Eleanor during Milan fashion week. What started off with one Italian Countess wanting Blair to help with her new look, turned into a full blown fashion and styling consultancy. Before she finished college, she had her own registered business and since then, she turned into a British version of Rachael Zoe and is now planning to expand into home décor business because people just can't have enough of Blair Waldorf and her impeccable taste. This year has been particularly good as she dressed Kiera Knightly, Emma Stone and Florence Welch for the BAFTAS and she has been getting some serious clients since then from both sides of the Atlantic.

She recently moved in a 4 story beautiful townhouse in Kensington where she lives with Jay and his Italian au pair Nicola who has been with them since Blair started working full time. Nicola is an art student who is studying part time and is also working on her paintings, in fact Blair has given her the whole of the basement where she not only lives but has also set up her tiny studio where she works in the evenings when Blair is home. She also has a maid service and they come in during all the weekdays but she does not have a full time maid because no one can replace Dorota in her life.

Her son started his preschool and she started her post graduate program together. She has started it part time to begin with but she wants to do it and she wants to do it for her son so that he could be proud of her. One of the reasons that she admired Eleanor a lot is that she was a woman who has accomplish everything on her own and she wanted to her son to be just as proud, if not more, of her. She is also happy that she has achieved it all just short of her 25th birthday.

She has been to New York many times since she started her business but never for more than 4 days and she never took Jay with her because she always feared that Jay would run into someone and it will stir up everything again. She was happy with her life here in London and though it was never really part of her plan but the city has been kind to her – perhaps kinder than her hometown.

It is surprising that the only person she has really stayed in touch with from her old life was Chuck Bass and she credits Jay for that. Whenever Chuck is in London, he would always drop by to see Jay and Blair, often with some extravagant gift for Jay. The only other person she has met during all this time is Nate and that too during social events that she has attended while she was in New York for work. He has expanded his business since then and he now runs two magazines and a news website. Serena is trying her hand at acting and if rumors are to be believed, she is shacking it up with an A lister in California and living a Hollywood dream.

Dan Humphrey was another ball game together. She tried to keep tabs on him through tabloids and facebook but she was not too successful. He has written two more books, one on Jazz age American writers and a collection of short stories called 'Infidelities' which was very dark and quite unlike his two previous novels. But that was all about his work, she had no idea what he was up to, where he was living (she did check him up on Gossip Girl and he has not lived in New York since …well since she left the town) and what he was doing besides writing those two books. He has recently resurfaced and has been pictured in gossip websites because he sold the rights of his two novels to a production house, wrote the screen play for 'Inside' and is busy filming it right now. She may not admit it to anyone but she does have Dan Humphrey on her google alert and she still devours any news she can get about him.

It was a warm autumn Saturday when she took Jay and Nic out for a lunch one afternoon and they decided to stop by some shops on their way back. Nic and Jay went out to get some more sun while Blair stayed back in the shop to pay and gather her purchases.

When she came out, she saw Nic talking with a tall skinny girl in a beret. They were both laughing and discussing something about Jay. When Nic saw Blair coming, she introduced Blair to her friend but Blair was frozen to her spot and so was the other girl. Of all the people her au pair could be friends with in a city with over 9 million people, she had to be friends with one Jenny Humphrey. Nic stopped in the middle of her introduction when she saw them both staring at each other.

It was Blair who recovered first.

"I know who she is Nic, we used to go to same school in New York, what a coincidence that we ran into each other here in another country," said Blair with a polite smile.

"Really? Jen and I took some drawing classes together as well, what a small world we live in," Nic laughed.

"I know, who would've thought?" Jenny was not so polite. She remembered her distraught brother when he found out that Blair had left with Chuck Bass again.

Nic was a little uncomfortable with this open hostility, after all Blair was her employer and she did not want to offend her. So she hastily said goodbye to Jenny. Blair too smiled a good bye and sighed with relief when jenny left. She squatted down to tie Jay's loose scarf and took off his wooly cap to re adjust his hair. While she was at it, she saw a shadow over her shoulder and she saw Jenny again, hypnotically looking at Jay and then tentatively touching his hair. Blair saw red and hid jay's beautiful bouncy curls under his cap and stood up.

"Blair, is that your son?" Jenny looked like she has seen a ghost.

"Of course he is mine; I am not in the habit of running away with other people's children," Blair thought the best defense is offense.

"And his dad …." Jenny left the rest of the sentence unspoken. She was staring at Jay who is now intrigued and is staring back at the blonde woman."

Jenny's mind is racing doing a million calculations. That little boy was a dead ringer for his father - those curls and brown eyes has Humphrey stamp all over them – if he is anything around four year old, there is a greater likelihood that Blair's son is Dan's son too. Her brother is a dad and she is an aunt!

"Errr his dad is out of town, and if you will excuse me I have to get back, there is so much that needs to be done," Blair tried to move away but Jenny stopped her.

"Blair, stop. You cannot run away. You have to tell him." She was seething with rage at her nonchalant attitude.

Nic was getting curious so Blair picked up her son and thrust him in Nic's arms and told her to start walking home. When both were out of ear shot she turned back and hissed, "He knows. Your precious brother knows because I went to see him with Jay in belly and begged him to be with us but you know what he did? He just left and made it pretty clear that he wanted nothing to do with us, I am sorry if he did not let you in on it but if I recall correctly, the two of you were not that close."

With that, she turned around and started following her son and his au pair. Jenny on the other hand was stunned. Dan knows! She knew she had to do something to make any sense out of it so she ran after Blair. "Listen Blair, stop. I am sorry if I sounded a little judgmental," Blair raised her eye brow at that, "okay, I sounded very judgmental but can I please talk to you sometime and perhaps see your son. I don't even know what his name is!" Jenny pleaded.

Blair looked at her for a full minute and said, "Well my son has turned into a proper British boy and would want his afternoon tea in an hour's time. You are welcome to join us if you want to."

Jenny was grateful and she accepted the offer. If Blair was honest, she wanted to speak with Jenny the minute she saw her but she did not know how to break the ice. Jenny may be the most tenuous and distant and not so pleasant link with her past life, but she made her realize that she wanted to talk about it, reminisce a little and if she dared, she may even ask her about Dan – not because she is interested in him but because she wanted to know what father of her child has been doing.

Once they were all in, she asked Nic if she can help her in preparation of tea and Nic went into the kitchen. Blair after taking layers of garments off Jay introduced him to Jenny. "This is my son Jay and Jay, this is Jenny, mommy used to go to school with Jenny."

Jay stood up and shook Jenny's hand and said, "I am very pleased to meet you Jenny."

Jenny laughed out loud at this display of impeccable manners, crouched down on the carpet and sat at eye level with Jay, "You know what Jay, when I was in school, your mom used to call me little J and now you are her big Jay."

Blair rolls her eyes at that and said, "Don't get me started on what happened at school Jenny, you wouldn't want the little one to know that?"

Jenny raised her hands in surrender as if saying that that she won't say anything else and asked Jay about his ore school. Jay was such a friendly child that it did not even take him a minute to warm up to Jenny and he started telling her about Miss Pillsbury, his teacher and his new best friend Jason. Blair left the two of them in the parlour and went back into the kitchen. Ten minutes later, Blair and Nic came back with trays laden with tea, cakes and cucumber sandwiches and they all had tea. Nic took Jay to his room afterwards and Blair and Jenny sat down and talked.

Jenny told her about her job at Stella McCartney's as an apprentice. Though Jenny is not designing right now, she is hopeful that she will eventually get there and continues to draw. Blair was quite impressed with her and told her that she will put in a good word with Stella if she wants. Jenny told Blair that she knew that she was living in London and of course about her business but she did not know about Jay . When they ran out of the small talk about their professional lives, Jenny decided to tackle the elephant in the room and asked Blair what happened with Dan.

"Nothing and everything," Blair sighed.

"I mean you said that Dan knows about Jay and it is so unlike Dan to know that he is a dad and not be part of his son's life. How could he do this?" Jenny was still confused.

Blair who desperately wanted to talk to someone about her life, esp her life with Dan needed no prompting and she told Jenny everything. From her visit to the loft when she told Dan that she wanted to be with him, their short blissful months together to her crazy dash across the Atlantic to be with Chuck, her return, her finding out about her pregnancy and her last confrontation with Dan and his refusal to believe that it was his baby she was carrying.

"I thought I should give him some time so I stayed away, but I wrote to him, I even sent him sonogram pictures of Jay so that he would know how his baby is doing but he never wrote back, he never contacted, I thought that he may not ever forgive me for going back to Chuck but he may come around to be with his baby," Blair was openly crying Jenny moved closer to her and was rubbing her arm. Who would have thought that one day, it would be Jenny who would be sitting next to Blair and comforting her.

"Anyways, I realized what a douche your brother is when Serena came over and told me all about their sordid affair. Esp when he did not even know that I was going back to Chuck and he had the cheek to ask me if my baby was his?" Blair was indignant.

"Wait what?"Jenny was confused, "Dan was never with Serena, from what I recall, I met him around Christmas and there was no mention of Serena, in fact he was still quite caught up with you. I know about your letters because I read one of them and then forced him to read them all, in fact he even went after you but you had already left with Chuck, he was heartbroken Blair because he thought you broke his heart again. Serena was not even discussed."

"That's funny because it was just before Christmas that Serena came to me and showed me a video of them doing it! They not only had sex, they filmed it and she wanted to rub it in so she came to show it me, why do you think I had Jay seven weeks before the due date," Blair was sobbing.

"I knew that he wanted nothing to do with me but it breaks my heart every day that he never contacted me to find out how his son is doing, he knew that we were having a boy."

Blair was sobbing all over Jenny's cardigan now and Jenny is more confused than ever. She recalled that Dan went to see Blair and came back devastated with the news that she went abroad with Chuck. There was no mention of either Serena or Jay's existence. Blair here is sobbing like there is no tomorrow so she obviously means everything. She decided not to contradict Blair right now but she knew that she has to find out.

"Okay, we have established that my brother is the douche of highest order and he deserves the deepest pit of hell but I hope that you do not hold my brother against me and let me see Jay again, I would really like that," said Jenny.

Blair laughed amidst tears, "I have turned one Humphrey against another, I think I have just about achieved everything I ever set out to."

"I have another favor to ask Blair," Jenny paused, "Can I tell dad about Jay, it's just that ever since his divorce he has never really had a very happy time with both Dan and I living away from home. He would be ecstatic to know about Jay."

"Oh, so you both lived away from home all this time?" Blair asked very nonchalantly.

"If that is your roundabout way of asking about Dan, well he too couldn't stay in New York after … well after everything. He stayed with me here in London for a few weeks then got transferred to Yale to finish his degree."

"So he finally managed to go to Yale." Blair said.

"You know he was in England for a year after that," Jenny told Blair and was looking at Blair strangely.

When Blair kept looking at her hands and did not respond, she told him that he was at Oxford for his post grad degree and this is where he researched for his book on Jazz age American writers – well in Oxford and in Paris – you cannot write about the likes of Hemingway and Fitzgerald without spending some time in Paris.

Blair agreed to Jenny telling Rufus about Jay – with the promise that neither Rufus nor Jenny would say a word of it to Dan.

Neither of them knew how it happened but it did. Jenny and Blair became very good friends over the course of next few weeks. Whether it was because they were each others links to a life they had left behind, their mutual love for fashion, Jay and Dan or the fact that Jenny had always admired Blair, but they became friends and were spending a lot of time together. Once the four of them went to the zoo and spent the whole day there, there were Museum outings, at least once a week, Jenny would tag along Jay for his twice weekly riding lessons. Sometimes, Jenny would have dinner at their home and Jay would play piano for his mother and Jenny (It goes without saying that any child of Blair Waldorf would be an over achiever, that is why Jay is multi lingual – speaks English and French fluently and is learning Italian thanks to Nic – and takes riding, swimming and piano lessons besides spending his mornings at preschool. Sometimes Jenny would just loiter at Blair's workplace offering her opinion and would wonder why Blair is letting her hang around so much but neither questioned that and they just went with the flow. Blair's first telephone conversation with Rufus was awkward but after the skype chat where Blair, Jenny and Jay talked with him for the first time and where he was introduced to Jay as Jenny's dad who cooked great food, Jay became friendly with him. Rufus promised that he would visit them in December and cook everything Jay liked.

It was the second week of November when Jenny came back from the riding lessons with Jay and Nic casually mentioned about Blair's birthday next week. The two of them decided to give Blair a surprise dinner. Blair was at work when they decided to spruce up the place a little, with some additional flowers, a new portrait of Jay that Jenny has commissioned on his pony, some food they have ordered and some good quality. Blair was genuinely touched by their display of affection and laughed out loud when she saw a cake with bright red stilettos on top. Just when she was about to cut her cake, the door bell rang. Nic went out to see and Blair asked Jenny if she has invited anyone else. Blair knew that none of her parents were visiting her because they will be coming next month for Christmas and jay's birthday. Jenny went after Nic to see who is there and was flabbergasted to see Chuck Bass with a bottle of wine taking his coat off. Chuck too was startled to see her but he did not show anything in front of Nic and just nodded her way in greeting. He went in first with jenny and Nic trailing behind him.

Jay beamed when he saw who the guest is. "Look mommy has got shoes on her cake Uncle Chuck," Jay was too excited to notice the discomfort of his mother and his aunt at the arrival of the new guest.

'Uncle Chuck' Jenny was not so certain she liked the sound of it.

Chuck wished Blair a happy birthday, gave her the bottle of champagne and kissed her on the cheek. Blair did not say a single word and was aware of Jenny's glare and Chuck's raised eye brow but she decided not to say anything. She cut her cake and fed it to her son, thanked Jenny and Nic once again and went in the kitchen to fetch another set of cutlery and plate for Chuck. Jenny followed her with and mouthed the words, "What is he doing in here?"

"He drops by from time to time. In fact he spends almost half the year here in Europe, sometime in London, sometimes in Paris and Barcelona and he drops by," Blair said while taking the cutlery out.

What followed was one of the most awkward dinners that any one of them ever attended. Jay was chatty but no one else seemed to talk to him apart from Chuck. Blair was quiet, jenny was hostile, Nic was bewildered the way the evening turned and Chuck was in his element, as if he is happy that people are squirming because of it.

Once the dinner was over, Blair took off with Jay to put him to bed and Nic decided to retreat to kitchen and offered to make them all some coffee to avoid even more awkward conversation. Jenny was just sitting when Chuck said, "Who would've thought I will end up seeing Little J at Blair's London house one day?"

"I am neither little nor familiar enough with you to warrant any familiarity where you call me by nic names," Jenny was not too happy.

Chuck laughed at that and said, "Prickly, are we."

"Very." Jenny responded.

When Blair came back into the parlor, she saw a hostile looking Jenny glaring at Chuck and an amused Chuck looking back at Jenny. She coughed when she entered and said that she was a little tired and would want to retire, she could see that Jenny wanted to stay back and ask her about Chuck's arrival but she had no energy to deal with her. In order to make sure that Jenny leaves straight away, she actually asked Chuck if he could drop Jenny off. Jenny was a not too happy with the arrangement but she complied.

Jenny and Blair lived in London for over three years but they never crossed path before they met for the first time in October. Now Blair ran into her, again, at The Savoy's Beaufort Bar, after a meeting with a client. What surprised her more was that she was not alone, she was with Chuck Bass and from the look of it, it seemed that they were out, on a date. Her first reaction to seeing them together was the question that popped in her head, "How will Dan react to it" and she remembered the time when Dan punched Chuck. Her second thought was an abject sense of misery and self loathing that she is thinking about Dan's reaction even after four years, especially after what he did to her with Serena and her eyes were suddenly filled with tears. Jenny saw her in the mean time and she got up to invite her over to their table but Blair was in too condition to see her, or anyone else for that matter. She just waved her hand and ran out of the hotel for some fresh air. She went home, spent some time with Jay, had an early dinner and put him to sleep earlier than usual after much resistance from him. She was in the middle of her quarterly crying session (On an average, every three months something would trigger in her and she would have a full on crying session and then she would be okay for the next few months) when the door bell rang, it was Nic's evening off and she was out. She thought that if she is not going to respond, the person at the door would just go away but who so ever was at the door kept pressing the door bell. She feared that Jay would wake up so she went and was horrified to see Jenny and Chuck and looking at her red nose and puffy eyes.

Jenny came in and demanded to know what is wrong with her Blair, when Blair said that everything was fine, Jenny just took her hands in her own and said softly, "I know that you ran off Savoy when you saw me with Chuck, I never meant to hurt you. It was our first date and if you don't want me, I will never see him again. He insisted that there is nothing between the two of you except friendship, a fragile one at that, but I should never ever have listened to him and I am sorry. You and Jay are too important for me. In fact you and Jay are like my family and I would never do anything to jeopardize that." Jenny started crying. A startled Blair was looking at her and then Chuck and then back at Jenny again.

"What is this? Who said anything about me being upset with you two? You guys are adults and can do whatever you want to," said Blair.

"See I told you, Blair has no interest in my love life, we are not an item and have not been one in a very very long time," Chuck touched Jenny shoulders and then as a way of explanation told Blair that when Blair left the hotel in a hurry, Jenny assumed the worst that Blair was jealous and she has been fretting over Blair's reaction since then.

Blair started laughing at that. "Seriously Jenny, if I were really jealous, I would not run away. I would probably have marched up to your table and would have insulted the living day lights out of you."

"I only up and run when it has something to do with that stupid brother of yours," and then she started crying.

Jenny who was relieved that Blair is okay with Chuck and her dating got worried, hugged Blair and asked her to explain.

"When I first saw you two, my first thought was about Dan's reaction to you two being together. The second thought was a sense of self loathing that even after all this time and after what he did to me, I still think about him. Why am I so hung up on that Brooklyn Benedict who broke my heart so badly that I cannot even date anyone, let alone fall in love with anyone or have a family. I tried, I tried to move on but I just cannot. I want to hate him but I cannot, I want to forget him but everything he ever said to me is printed on my mind," She cried.

She picked up a copy of People magazine where Dan was photographed with Saoirse Ronan and Jennifer Lawrence at a film premier and screamed, "I am bawling like a crazy person over a man who cannot be bothered to pick up the phone and ask about a son whose only picture he has ever seen is a sonogram while he is living it up with Hollywood beauties," she waved the magazine over Jenny's Chuck's faces and then tore it to smithereens. "No matter what I tell myself, I am still tied to him and because he is not around, I feel all the more alone. NOTHING sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around, I feel alone and it is all because of him. I hate feeling this weak and miserable, I hate the fact that I am friends with his little sister because I want to know more about him, and I hate myself even more for wanting what little morsel of information I can get about him. For all I know, he probably thinks I am dead and is happy about it," I hate him for reducing me to this shell where everything I do or think is about him even when I have not seen him in over four years," Blair collapsed in Jenny's arms and she shot a worried look over her shoulder to Chuck and said, "This cannot go on, we have got to do something about this."

**A/N: I know there was no DAIR in it but the next chapter is all Dair, if you want anything particular to happen in the next chapter, let me know :) **

**Once again, thanks for reading and please review.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**

**Here is the eighth chapter. Thanks everyone who has read the previous chapters and reviewed my work. I don't obviously own these characters.**

**I actually wrote a very long chapter but then decided to cut them into to two for clarity. The next chapter will be posted much sooner. Please read and review. I need your feedback.**

**December 2016**

Jenny did not know how to approach Blair after her outburst and subsequent fainting episode. The doctor gave Blair clean bill of health and Chuck told Jenny not to meddle in her affairs but Jenny just could not let go. She knew that despite all the professional and dating successes, her brother was not happy or as happy as he should have been after getting everything he said he wanted. Now that she found out that Blair was still pining for him (though she refused to acknowledge that she even uttered his name, she did – though only once) she knew that she had to intervene. If Chuck would not help, she will enlist someone else to scheme to bring the two of them together. She placed two calls after that, one to Nic to get Blair's parent's phone numbers and another to her.

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Blair was extremely busy with some very demanding clients and had to go to New York for 3 days so when Jenny offered that she will not only take care of Jay's birthday party but will also host it, Blair was most grateful. Never in a million years she could've ever imagined Jenny to be this close to her, almost like a sister, whom one can count on. If she and Dan had stayed together, may be things had turned that way but they are not and it feels strange to be this close to her but then the only reason for them to be friends was Jay so in a roundabout way, Dan was still responsible for them being friends.

Normally, Blair either drops Jay at her one of parent's homes or they come and stay with him when she goes out of town on business but this time Jenny offered to take care of him along with Nic. She even offered to stay with him and Blair accepted her help.

When Blair came back late one night, she thought that Jenny was behaving very strangely around her and when she asked, Jenny started shifting here and there and not looking in her eyes. When she demanded to know she said that her father is coming over to London for Christmas and because he wanted to get to know Jay a little bit better he is coming over today.

"But it is still over two weeks to Christmas, what will he do during all this time? In any case, you should have told him that we won't be here for Christmas. We always go to Paris to spend holidays with my parents, Rufus should have at least asked me before he made plans" Blair said while taking off her high heels and sliding down on the sofa.

"About that," Jenny was wringing her hands fearing that Blair might actually throw her out of her house when she reveals her plans, Jenny may never admit it openly but she has always been a little in awe of Blair and still is. "Soon after my dad called with his plans, Harold also called here to confirm your travel schedule. I told him to call you on your cell but then we got talking. I told him who I am and that my dad was coming over so he said that maybe we can all be here in London for the holidays. And all of them, I mean Harold and Roman along with Eleanor and Cyrus are coming over for Jay's birthday and they will be staying here for Christmas as well, and my dad will be here too. But we will only be here for Jay's Birthday, we would not want to impose on you guys for Christmas and I will make sure that my dad stays in check and does not turn into a puddle of mush after seeing Jay," Jenny rushed, wanting to ensure Blair that the new birthday and Christmas arrangement will not have much impact on Blair's original plans.

When Blair did not say anything and continued to stare at her with an incredulous expression, Jenny feared that she has crossed the line so she rushed beside Blair, sat on the sofa and took her hand in hers and said, "Blair, I am so sorry, I guess I was just being selfish because I know how much it would mean to dad and I got carried away. I will tell him that you are guys will be off to France for Christmas and he will be okay with it. I will even call Harold and Eleanor and explain it all, please say something. I don't want to lose you and Jay over this."

Blair looked at her hand in Jenny's hand which Jenny immediately released when she saw Blar staring at them and stood up.

Blair rubbed her temples and said. "Okay."

"Okay?" Jenny did not get it.

"Okay. I am okay with Rufus being here and that we will stay here for Christmas but please don't let your dad plan my son's birthday. It will be a catered affair and no one will eat his home made chilli or lasagna or waffles. If you cannot promise me that then all bets are off," Blair warned.

"Thank you, thankyou, thankyou Blair. I will not let my dad anywhere near the food and it will be the classiest birthday a four year could ask for."

"Now off you go, I need some peace and quiet before my life turns upside down with the presence of the Humphrey clan," Blair said while heading upstairs to her room.

She was dreading this moment because Rufus has hinted that he would want to meet Jay. She did not want to give in and let him meet her son because she wants to keep her son to herself and if Rufus gets close to him, then soon Dan too will be part of the picture and she does not know if she can handle it. But at the same time, she did not want Jay to not know his paternal grandfather, esp. when it is obvious that his musical talent is very much inherited from him. In a way, she is glad that Jenny's meddling took this choice away from her. She laughed to herself and thought that she must be falling ill because Blair Waldorf never welcomes anyone's nosy intrusions in her plans.

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Jay's meeting with Rufus was so natural that Blair ended up wondering why she was fretting so much. The next day, Blair invited Jenny and Rufus for tea and came home early. She checked Jay's clothing and combed his hair many times before his grandfather came in. When Jenny and Rufus came in, Jay came bouncing down from the stairs screaming 'little J is here'.

"Little J?' Rufus raised his eye brows.

"Yeah, ever since I told him that his mom used to call me little J back in school, he has taken to calling me little J and says that I am little J and he is the big Jay here because he is a boy," Jenny said while crouching down to pick Jay up.

"I want you meet someone Jay, this is Rufus and he is little J's daddy. I told him all about you and he wants to be your friend. Would you like that?" Jenny asked.

"Is he is your dad like PépèreHarold is mommy's daddy or like Grandy Cyrus who is mommy's spet father," Jay wanted details.

Rufus and Jenny laughed at that and Rufus said, "I am Jenny's dad like your Pépère Harold and you probably wanted to tell us that Cyrus is your mother's step father, right?"

Jay vigorously nodded in response and then asked another question. "Are all father's old? You are old, Pépère is old and so is Grandy Cyrus, you are all so old," Jay did not take much time in warming up to Rufus and declaring him old.

Blair who was coming down from upstairs smiled at her son's inquisition.

Rufus and Jenny laughed as well and were moving towards the parlor when Rufus responded with, "Well most of us are old, probably because we have been parents for quite a while, but not all daddies are old."

"I know that, my friend Jason's dad is not old. I mean he is still old but old like you guys, and he plays cricket and football with Jason. I don't really know if my dad is old like you or not so old like Jason's dad," Jay's train of thought stopped everyone in their tracks. Blair quickly entered the room, smiled at Rufus, took Jay in her arms and said, "Jay darling, don't just talk nonstop, show Jenny's dad your piano, he would like that very much. Do you know, Jenny's dad is a musician and he plays guitar."

"Really?" Jay looked at Rufus and Jenny for confirmation, when they both nodded in affirmation; he turned to his mom and asked, "How do you know that?"

"Well, mommy used to go to school with Jenny. Just like you know that Jason's dad play cricket & football, I knew Jenny's dad played guitar," Blair tried to explain. Jay knitted her brows as if he wanted to ask more questions but Rufus geared him towards piano and asked him to play something. After playing two tunes and suitably showing off his musical prowess, Jay settled and acted as if he knew Rufus all his life. They stayed till Jay's bedtime and when Blair and Jay were saying their goodbyes, Jay asked his mom if he could see Rufus again. Blair panicked and said that she will have to check if Rufus is free and that they cannot monopolize all his time, after all he is in London for holidays. Rufus wanted to say that he is available but Jenny sensed Blair's fears and pushed her dad out and promised Jay that she and his mom will work something out. Blair mouthed her thanks to Jenny and closed the door.

After putting Jay to bed and discussing Nic's vacation schedule for Christmas, she sat down and relived the day. Rufus and Jay hit it off like they knew each other all their lives. She was happy because Jay obviously found another person who loved him very much but Rufus being here means Dan would soon be here. There is no way Rufus will not remind Dan about his parental duties, esp after meeting Jay and hearing his queries about his own father's age. That is what is worrying her. For past four years, she wanted Dan to be part of Jay's life but at the same time, she was not willing to share Jay with anyone. She was confused the way things were changing and changing so rapidly. She called her mother and discussed their new Christmas plans and went to bed.

As she planned to take a couple of weeks off from Jay's birthday onwards, she wanted to put in as many hours in the office as it was possible for her. Rufus' presence and his insistence in helping out made it easy for her and almost every day they ended up having supper together at Blair's home – all five of them, Rufus, Jenny, Jay, Nic, and Blair. It was obvious that Rufus and Jay are getting real close in a short space of time. When Blair's parents came over for Jay's birthday and Cyrus suggested a men's day out, it was assumed that Rufus would be part of it. When Jay went out hanging between Harold's and Rufus' arms with Roman and Cyrus behind, Blair's throat tightened and she decided that she was glad that Rufus was around for Jay. In any case, he will be going back after Christmas and things will go back to normal after that.

**December 19th 2016**

Jenny booked London's Natural History Museum's Ice Rink for children and the adjoining café for Jay's birthday and designed a special birthday costume for him which made him look like a baby polar bear. Jay's mother did not know about it so she was fretting like crazy so she threw herself in getting the perfect give away bags for all the kids at the party. Jay was whisked away by Jenny to get dressed up for the party and Blair went there with both set of her parents. To say that she was quite impressed with Jenny to pull this off would be putting it mildly. She made a mental note to thank Jenney by asking her to custom design costumes for a film that she has been asked to style.

Blair was overlooking the arrangements at the giveaways table and talking to the mother of one of the kids at Jay's play group, when she heard a voice that she has not heard in past four years. She turned around and was mortified to see Dan Humphrey in grey pea coat peeling off his lined woolen scarf and asking his dad what was he doing at a kid's birthday party.

Blair couldn't believe that Jenny would go behind his back and invite her brother. To say that she was furious would be putting it too mildly. She saw Jenny running towards her dad and brother with a harassed look on her face.

"Dad, what is Dan is doing here? I thought he was coming on the 23rd?" Jenny was obviously panicking.

"Yeah dad, what was the hurry, you called me relentlessly for past one week asking me to be here on 19th, what was the rush and what are we doing here at this birthday party, do we even know these people?" Dan started looking around to see if there is anyone he can spot whom he knew when he saw Blair Waldorf marching towards him. All blood drained from his face.

He turned to look at her sister and dad and asked, "Dad, what is this?"

Exactly at the same time, Blair came to their little group and said, "Jenny, I obviously should not have trusted you, what is this weasel of your brother doing at my child's birthday party. I thought I made it very clear that I don't even want to discuss him, let alone allow him to crash my party."

"Seriously Blair, I had no idea, I am just as surprised as you are," Jenny pleaded.

Blair pointed towards a corner and hissed, "I don't want to ruin this for my son so lets just go there and get it over with." When Rufus tried to touch Blair's shoulder in apology, she turned back with angry eyes and said, "Not now Rufus."

When they all moved the corner, she turned at looked at the Humphrey's and asked, "Whose idea was it ruin this day for me?"

"I invited Dan because I seriously think it is about time he finds out …" Rufus tried to explain but Blair interrupted.

"Your son KNOWS, your asshole of a son knows," Blair's eyes were raining fire.

She looked at Jenny and pointed towards Dan and said, "I want him out in next 90 seconds."

Dan was looking at it all and was quite perplexed at the ease with which both his dad and sister were talking to Blair as if they know her really well.

Just when Jenny put her hand on her brother's arm to tell him to go and Blair moved to get back to her party, they all heard Jay's squeal of delight when he saw Chuck Bass coming into the party with a brightly wrapped birthday gift and said, "Chuck, you made it," and ran to him. Chuck bent down to pick him up and throw him up in the air.

"What is Chuck Bass doing here and if he is a guest here then what the hell are we doing here?" Dan asked, he was losing patience with his dad and his sister.

To avoid any further confusion between Dan and Blair, Jenny decided to come clean and said, "Dan, I want you to know that I am dating Chuck Bass."

"What?" Dan's voice rose a few decibels. "You knew?" he looked as his dad. "You invited me all the way from LA to see that my own sister is playing step mom to Chuck and Blair's son?"

Both Jenny and Rufus looked at him as if he has just grown a pair of horns and asked, "Chuck's son?

Before Dan could've said anything, Blair who was going towards the table with the birthday cake on it, turned back and slapped Dan across the face with all her might.

"You know that Chuck is NOT my son's father so stop saying it," she said with tears in her eyes and ran towards her son.

**A/N**

**So how was it, did you like it? Let me know, please review.**

**Next chapter is from Dan's PoV.  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

**Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing the previous chapters. This chapter is from Dan's PoV and with Dair interaction. Some of the readers were not too happy with the previous chapter and all I can say is that I will try and make it more interesting. Thanks a lot for your feedback.**

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What the fuck just happened in there?

Dan could not believe what just happened with him. He was dragged from airport to Jenny's apartment to get ready to go to a party where he obviously was not invited and his family was acting as if they were taken over by the aliens? His sister is pandering to Blair's wishes like it was junior year of high school all over again, his dad is acting strangely and there was Chuck Bass – present in all his bow tied glory.

And Blair!

He did not even want to think about her. The years have been very kind to her, if anything, she has gotten more beautiful in past four years. If she was beautiful as a 21 year old, she is mesmerizing as a 25 year old and twice as fierce as a mother.

He saw his sister running after Blair and his dad following suit. He saw Blair plastering a smile on her face and saw his sister talking to Chuck in hushed tones. He saw Chuck nodding in his direction as if welcoming him into this chaos and when he saw all of them gathering around a little boy who is hidden under a polar bear suit and a cake, he knew he had to get out of here so he stepped out to get some fresh air and think.

He felt like he was living someone else's life where his family is acting as if they don't know him and the only person willing to acknowledge his presence is Chuck Bass! Everyone seemed angry at him and he did not even know what he had done.

He recalled everything that happened that day, his father's excitement and how he personally supervised what Dan should wear and how he must look his best, Jenny's initial joy at seeing him then the mortified look that Rufus went behind her back in inviting him to the realization that he crashed Blair Waldorf's son's birthday party to seeing Chuck for the first time in almost 5 years to Blair's slap and her overwhelming denial that Chuck is not the father of her child to Jenny's bombshell that she is dating his former nemesis.

And then the penny dropped.

Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!

Was Blair telling the truth all those years ago? Is he a dad? But that can't be true, he saw Blair with Chuck that fateful New Year 's Day at the airport but then his father can only be this excited if one of his children are getting married or…. He wanted one of his children to meet one of his grand children.

The first thought that came into his mind was 'Oh God! If that was his child, Blair will probably never let him see that little boy' followed by the realization that he has been the most shallow and despicable person with Blair, leaving her pregnant and not believing her when she told him that he is the father and then never even bothering to find out if she was telling the truth.

He was out in the cold weather for only ten minutes but it felt as if he grew older by decades in those ten minutes. Not only he realized that he is a father to a boy who he cannot even see as he was hidden in a polar bear suit but that he has lost last 4 years of his son's life. He not only alienated his family and the mother of his child but he also has no idea about how to rectify that. Most of all, he was crippled with the realization that even though he thought he was a morally upstanding guy who did not set out to hurt anyone deliberately has been repeatedly hurting one person who he thought loved most in the world! Not only that, he has been shirking his responsibility as a father. Oh the mind and body numbing shame of it all. He could not see straight, he decided to go back and talk to his dad. He turned back and was startled to see Chuck standing right behind him. They both stared at each other for a few seconds and the bewildered expressions on Dan's face said it all.

"You just realized that you are a father Humphrey, haven't you? I knew you were not the sharpest tool in the shed but four years is insanely long!" Chuck smirked.

When Dan did not respond, Chuck put a hand on his shoulder and steered him back towards the museum. "Jenny has sent me to take you back; Blair says you can attend the rest of the birthday as long you don't make a scene."

They both fell in step and started walking back when Dan stopped, turned to Chuck and asked, "How?"

Chuck narrowed his eyes as if he did not get what Dan was asking when it dawned on him that Dan is asking about Jay.

"Oh come on Humphrey, you sure don't want me to go in the details. Your son is not an immaculate conception, you do know how it happens," Chuck chuckled.

"No, I mean that summer, the two of you were together and when I heard that Blair was pregnant, I assumed that it would be your child, and when I saw you earlier I thought you guys are still together but then Jenny told me that you guys are dating," Dan rubbed his eyes persisted.

"Listen, Blair did come to me and she did help me at a very dark time in my life but nothing happened between us then and she went back to New York after a few short weeks, looking to mend things with you. I don't know what happened between the two of you because I only got her call, months later, when Blair wanted me to help her with Jay's passport, I did that, and then dropped her off to Paris and that was that. We met again months later when Blair started her classes at UCL and I have been dropping in on them whenever I happen to be in London, since then but that is just about it, we are friends, quite erratic ones if you ask me, and nothing more" Chuck explained.

Dan was staring at Chuck thinking he ruined the last four years of his life envying this man for living a life that was supposed to be his while all this time, it was he who was responsible for ruining it all.

"I even asked Blair once what happened between the two of you, I mean she came back running to you and then months later, she went back without you, and she said that you don't want anything to do with her and her son. Personally I found it odd that you, of all the people in the world, would not jump in to play daddy but well, we are humans and we all change," Chuck shrugged.

"Blair did come to me and told me that she was pregnant but I thought it was one of her ruses to get me back in her fold and I was angry at her for leaving me the way she did so I basically told her to fuck off," Dan stopped when he saw Chuck wincing at his response, "In my defense, all I can say is that Blair is the most accomplished liar I know and I genuinely thought that she was lying."

"Seriously Humphrey, you are delusional about your appeal, what would woman would lie to you about her child only to lure you back to her?" Chuck asked.

"Georgina did," Dan responded.

"Georgina is also crazy and she had Russian mobsters running after her, surely she can be excused for her somewhat bizarre behavior," Chuck raised an eye brow and Dan laughed at that.

"Come on, let's go meet Jay." Chuck said.

"Jay?" Dan did not know who Chuck was talking about.

"Jay, your son dummy! Seriously, for a person who thought he was smarter than most of us, you are gallactically obtuse when it comes to matters like this," Chuck was mocking Dan's confusion and was thoroughly enjoying this.

"Shouldn't I get a present for him first, I mean it's his birthday, and you cannot show up without a gift, can you?" Dan perked up enough to get enthusiastic about the gift.

"Well, what are you waiting for, this is London – in Christmas season, I am sure you can find something suitable for a four year old boy who likes pianos and horses," Chuck suggested a few ideas to Dan.

Xxxx

Half an hour later, Chuck and Dan were back, Jenny rushed to them to see if everything is okay.

Dan looked at her and said in a resigned voice, "You should've told me Jenny, I was ambushed by dad."

"I am sorry Dan, I had every intention of doing that over the Christmas break, I had even discussed it with dad, but I had no idea he was sneaking behind my back and getting you here earlier for Jay's birthday," Jenny explained.

"Can I see him?" Dan asked.

"Err yeah, but you will have to do it in front of Blair and she would like to introduce the two of you," Jenny said.

"Of course, I understand," Dan was quick to assure Jenny that he is okay with it.

Jenny, Dan and Chuck went to the skating rick where Blair was helping Jay in his skating shoes. When she saw them, she picked him up and brought him towards them.

"Hey buddy, Jenny here has brought her brother to your birthday, would you like to say hello to him and offer him some cake?" Blair's tone was very casual but it was obvious that she was making an effort to sound so laid back.

Jay slipped out of his mother's arms and went towards Dan; he stuck out his hand to shake Dan's and said, "I am Jay, my name starts with the letter J, like Jenny's. What is your name?"

Dan crouched down and shook hands with him, "Hey, I am Dan and I am afraid my name does not start with the letter J."

"It's alright; only Jenny and Jason have names that start with J and they are both my friends," he beamed at Jenny as if they are part of some exclusive club where they only let people named with letter Jay in.

Dan laughed at that and said, "But I want to be your friend too, if that is okay with your mommy?"

Both Dan and Jay looked up at Blair as if seeking her permission; Jenny realized that they don't need others so she asked Chuck to leave them.

Blair looked tense and pale, as if she trying too hard to maintain her composure. She couldn't say a word so she just nodded.

Dan still had Jay's gift in his hands and he mouthed the words 'May I' To Blair to make sure she is fine with him giving Jay a gift. He knew that after his super insensitive act earlier, he had to tread on a very sketchy path.

Blair nodded again and Dan gave the wrapped package to Jay, "Happy Birthday Jay, I hope you like what I got you."

"Thanks, what is it?" Jay started opening it right there when Blair said, "Sweetie, shouldn't you go back to your friends? We will open all the presents together with grand ma back at home?"

Dan saw Jay rushing back to his friends when he turned to Blair and said, "Thank you."

When Blair did not say anything, he went on, "Thanks for everything, letting my family see Jay, letting me see Jay after everything and after all this time."

Blair continued to look elsewhere and then said, "I have to go see some people off," and rushed away.

He went back to the café and found Chuck sitting alone typing furiously on his phone. Dan went up to and asked if he could sit, Chuck nodded his assent.

Dan waited for him to finish doing whatever he was doing and then said, "I wanted to apologize."

"Humphrey, I know you generally tend to screw things up but our dislike for each other has always been mutual, we are okay," Chuck smiled.

"No seriously, the last one hour has been a revelation and I have realized that I have spent too many years of my life resenting other people – you are one of them – who I thought had ruined my life which was wrong. I am responsible for everything that went wrong with my life," Dan tried to explain.

"Stop being such a drama queen Humphrey, what is wrong with you? You have a family that cares about you, you have a career at 25 that most people never have till the end of their lives and that too in your chosen field, you have a kid, who may not know you are his dad but he is there and some day he will know that too. Heck, even Blair has been civil to you, how the hell is your life screwed up?" Chuck was exasperated with Dan's pity party.

"Anyways, you helped me through my dark period when I was pinning over 'you know who' and was paying people to beat me up, consider this the pay back foe getting me monkey," Chuck added.

Jenny decided to join them at that moment to make plans with Chuck for meeting up with him later. Dan turned and looked at the all the people around him. Rufus and Harold were holding Jay in the rink, Blair and Eleanor were talking to some women and everyone looked happy and Dan thought that he too could be happy.

After the party ended, Jenny decided that she will go to Blair's residence with Jay, Blair and her set of parents to open the birthday presents – or what Jenny called the real birthday party. Rufus and Dan were also heading out to Jenny's apartment to talk and when they were saying their goodbyes, Jay said that he wanted Rufus to come see his presents as well.

Rufus looked at Dan and Blair and when he saw the extremely alarmed look on Blair's face, he said to Jay, "Listen buddy, I will come tomorrow and check out all your presents, but Dan just got in here from US and he is jet lagged and does not even know how to get home from here so I will have to go back with him, okay?"

Jay was relentless and asked Rufus to bring Dan along as well. "Its arrite, you can bring Dan too, that way he will not have to go home alone. Can we have Dan come over for the gifts, mommy?

"Sweetheart, I am sure he will have loads to do right now, you can see them later, okay," Blair was not ready to see him inside her home, her Dan proof sanctuary with no mention or memory of him. She thought if Dan ever comes to her house, he will leave his mark on it too, like he left his mark on her and it will never be the same.

For some reason, Jay, who is a very happy go lucky child, insisted that he wanted Rufus and Dan as well and was this close to throwing a tantrum when Eleanor stepped in and said that it was okay and they can all come in.

Dan tried to catch Blair's eye when they were all heading out to the cars but she kept looking down as if she is deliberately trying to shut out the reality.

**A/N**

**Next chapter will be from Blair's PoV and will only have Dair moments. Please read and review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**

**A shout out to regular reviewers like Magnus57, BekaRoo, OliveLawls, cheddercheli, lovelycupcake, WordsIcantsay and all the other silent readers, you guys have been wonderful readers. The canon has been so awful this season that I was finding it difficult to go on with the story but I continued because you all were kind enough to keep coming back to read and review it, thank you so very much.**

**Do I need to say again that I hate GG writers, how can they be the same people who have written Dair arc in season 4 and now this shitty season?**

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Jay's birthday is over. All the presents were opened in front of his parents, grandparents and his only aunt and were greatly appreciated. Everyone except Cyrus and Eleanor who were staying with them had left. Blair is sitting in front of her dressing table, removing make-up, still trying to make sense of everything – Dan was here, in her home, talking to her parents, her son – their son – in her life! They barely said two sentences to each other but she was aware of his presence every single minute he was around. She does not even know what she said to other guests or how she responded to the innumerable questions Jay asked because all she could think of was Dan's presence in her life – once again. She was about to switch off the lights in her room and go to sleep, she received a text – from an unknown number. When she opened it, it said, "Hey, its Dan here. We need to talk, let me know when we can meet. I am here and will wait for you so when you get some time, drop me a line." She read the message and sighed. Just when she was about to put her phone down, she got another text saying, "Jay is amazing, so loving and friendly. You have done an amazing job."

Without even knowing what she was doing, she saved Dan's number in her phone once again and let him in her, and Jay's life.

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As it has always been Blair and Jay who visited her dad in Paris, Harold has not met Scottie – Jay's pony – so a couple of days before Christmas, all the men in Waldorf-Rose residence decided to spend a day at the estate where Carrot lived. Rufus was also invited to join them by both Harold and Jay so he too went with them. Blair knew that now Dan has met Jay, he probably would want to be around him and the sooner she talk it out with him and make suitable arrangements for them to meet, the easier it would be for everyone so she texted him and arranged for him to meet him. She invited him for a cup of coffee at a café near her office and found him waiting for her when she got there. He pulled out the chair for her and went to get a coffee for her. She saw his half finished Americano and his notebook on the table. She was tempted to peek in his moleskin but decided against it. A few minutes later, Dan presented a cup of cappuccino with cinnamon powder on top. She took a sip and was surprised to find out that Dan remembered how she liked her cappuccino, without sugar and with a hint of cinnamon.

They both drank their coffees quietly and Dan only spoke when it looked like she would not say a word if left to her. "You have a beautiful house Blair, but then you always had taste." Blair looked up at him for a few seconds and then got up and picked up her coat from the back of the seat. Dan too got up, a little flabbergasted at her sudden movement, "Blair, I thought we should talk a bit, about Jay?"

"We are going to talk about him but not here, come with me," Blair tightened her scarf around her neck and went out with a befuddled Dan following after her. They ended up in her office because Blair felt was too emotional and she had no idea how civil she can be with Dan if her reaction to his presence at Jay's birthday was any indication, she does not want to cause a scene in a public place. She wanted to scream at him in the complete privacy of her closed for holiday office, not the coffee house, not her own house where her mother was present. She did not even know that she wanted to scream at him in peace without no audience, and that she was waiting to do that for four long years.

She entered her office with Dan behind her. She removed her coat and scarf and looked at Dan who was busy checking out the photos of Blair's celebrity clients on the walls of her office. She indicated that he get rid of his coat at the hanger and follow her in her office. When he entered her office, Dan saw Blair sitting primly on the ivory sofa in her all black outfit, fidgeting with her phone and a certain tenderness washed all over him. He has been talking to both his sister and father for past three days about Blair and Jay and how they have been all these years and he has nothing but admiration for her. He knew that she is rehearsing what she wanted to say to her in her mind right now, hence the restlessness and fiddling with the phone. He waited for her to start talking but when she did not; he coughed and said, "We have to talk Blair."

She came out of her reverie and laughed bitterly, "Funny that you now want to talk. I remember a time when I was pregnant and running after you and you refuse to even believe that you were the father."

Dan knew he would not be let off the hook but he was not expecting the sudden attack.

"I know I have not been a decent guy but….." Dan was trying to explain when he was interrupted.

"Not a decent a guy? Try another objective like horrible or vindictive Dan, you are writer, I am sure you can come up with something better than 'not a decent guy'" Blair was relentless.

"OK, I agree, I was horrible and what I did was unforgiveable but I still ask you to forgive me, not because I deserve it but for Jay," Dan said it with a lot of sadness.

Blair got up and stood beside the large window next to her desk.

"I am not saying that I deserve to be in Jay's life but he must know who his father is. I am not saying that I am the best person to be his father but I AM his father and sooner and later he is going to ask a lot of questions, and I want him to know who I am before he gets to that stage," Dan added.

"Now you are stressing upon the fact that you are the dad! You have been MIA for last 4 years and throughout my pregnancy, you don't get to ask anything of me or claim fatherhood of a child that I raised, on my own. No court of law would give you any right, especially when they would find out that I tried to contact you a million times during my pregnancy but you refuse to acknowledge both the existence of this child or your part in creating him, go on, file a case and let's see who wins," Blair was screaming.

"Blair, I will never fight with you over Jay's custody. He is yours, you have been with him all this time and yes I was not around and I am not going to justify my absence because I frankly cannot but I want you to give me a chance to be around him – and not just as Jenny's brother – but as Jay's dad. Sooner or later, you will get married and he will have a step dad who will probably love him because he is so adorable but I want him to just know that I am his dad. He is still yours Blair; I just want to share a tiny part of him – on your terms – but I still want you to tell him who is father is. I think it is important for Jay," Dan moved to stand beside Blair next to the window and was looking outside because he was so ashamed of himself and his behavior of four years ago that he could not bear to look at her.

"I am not getting married, there is no step father in the picture," Blair said.

"Well, if there is none then there will be one sooner, you are a beautiful woman Blair, it is going to happen," Dan persisted.

Dan then just realized that he is talking very passionately about Blair's impending marriage to some nameless faceless man and he decided to shut up. The room suddenly felt very quiet. They stayed that way for a few minutes before Blair quietly said, "He knows."

"What! Who?" Dan was confused.

Blair moved to her desk, pulled out a file from the drawer. She took out Jay's birth certificate and handed it over to him.

He saw the birth certificate and it lists him, Daniel Jonah Humphrey, as Jay's father. He did not know what to say and looked at Blair who was again looking everywhere but at him.

"He may not exactly know that you are his father but he knows that his father's name is Daniel and he lives in America," Blair said.

He looked at Jay's birth certificate again and saw his full name 'Jay Daniel Waldorf' and that was the last straw. He walked across Blair's desk turned her chair to his side and dropped to his knees in front of her.

"I am so sorry for being the douche that I was and still am. I treated you with utmost brutality when you were most vulnerable and you still were generous enough to not only put my name up as his father but his name …." He was at a loss; he could not fathom Blair's generosity. Not only was he listed as Jay's biological father but Jay has his name as his middle name!

"Even though you did not want anything to do with us but I still wanted you to be a part of my son's life. Call me a masochist or a seriously twisted person but I thought, if my son cannot have his father's surname, the least he can have is his father's name as a part of his own name, and before you go all emotional, I want you to know that I did not do it for you, I did it for Jay," Blair tried to explain.

"Oh Blair! You have no idea how humiliated I feel. I am crushing with the jaw dropping, head hanging shame of not stepping up when I should have. I should have been there for you both but I was not. I was wallowing in self pity over …" Dan wanted to explain but Blair cut him short.

"I don't want to humiliate you; honestly, I don't want anything to do with you but I have to because we have a son together. I agree with you that Jay should get to know you, as his father and I will tell him as soon as I can, but please don't pressure me into doing that, I want to do it on my terms," Blair acquiesced.

"Of course, I am game with whatever you want to do with Jay," Dan was quick to agree.

"For how long will you be in London?" She wanted to know when is he going back and how can she plan the big disclosure to Jay.

"I don't know, I am free and if it is okay with you, I would like to stay and get to know Jay better. I have to go back to States for sometime in February for my film's premiers but I have nothing besides that on my schedule for next few months."

"Oh," Blair was worried. She was thinking that Dan would go back to US around New Year and she would be able to breathe easy once he was gone but now that she found out that Dan intends to stick around, she did not know how to respond to that. She is trying hard to stay indifferent to him but finds it extremely difficult to do so when he is on his knees begging for forgiveness for all the past mistakes.

Before she could stop herself, she asked him to accompany Rufus and Jenny for Christmas at her house.

"Thanks for taking pity on me Blair, Dad and Jenny had every intention of ditching me over Jay and you and I would have spent the day all by myself. I promise to be on my best behavior and will not provide you with any opportunity to slap me," Dan was quick to accept the invitation before Blair could rescind it.

"I think you should leave now," Blair said when she saw him sitting crossed legged at her feet.

"Aren't you going to go home yourself?" Dan asked.

"No, now that I am here, I will check upon a few things, in any case, Jay will not be home before 6.00 so I have a couple of hours before I need to be home.

Dan got up and got out of her office, she could still hear him in the outer office getting his coat and muffler. He came back once he was all bundled up for the weather outside and said, "Thanks for everything Blair, for listening to me, for letting me be a part of your life and for being so kind to me."

With that, Dan was out of her office before she could have said that she has not let him be a part of her life.

XXX

Dan was excited when he got out and called Jenny to help him get some gifts for the whole Waldorf-Rose clan. He was blabbering like crazy that Blair has agreed to let Jay know that he is the dad and that she has invited him over for Christmas so that he can get acquainted with Jay and that Blair is so generous and kind and what not. Jenny, who was with Chuck in his hotel room, listened to her brother ramble on for a few minutes before she agreed to help him shop for gifts the next day.

When she switched the phone, Chuck got up from the bed and asked, "Was that Humphrey?"

"Yeah, that was him. He just had a meeting with Blair and I think he has fallen right back in love with her again."

"I told you this would happen Jen, you owe me a twenty now?" Chuck was laughing when Jenny jumped him and kissed him.

"I don't have a twenty right now, but how about I do something else," she kissed him again.

"I can work with that," Chuck laughed some more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

To say that Dan was excited on the Christmas morning would be putting it mildly. He stayed up late talking to his dad about meeting Jay and asking him about everything he knows about his grandson. Jenny mocked him to no end when she saw the bags full of gifts for not only Jay and Blair but also for Eleanor, Cyrus, Harold and Ramon but Dan was unperturbed. He had to make up for many Christmases that he has missed; he wanted to make a good impression and wanted to win as many allies as he can. In case Blair changes her mind about him being in Jay's life, he wants someone in her family to speak on his behalf.

The Humphrey clan arrived at the Waldorf residence armed with gifts for everyone. Jay was very excited to see Jenny and was even more excited when he found out that Dan, Jenny and Rufus have all bought him separate gifts. Just before lunch, they were joined by Chuck. Jay was even happier to see one more adoring adult. Rufus and Harold were on kitchen duty and were assisted by Dan and Jay. The lunch was generally relaxed and everyone was talking to each other, the only two people who kept quiet and looked everywhere other than each other were Dan and Blair. Blair perhaps was still disconcerted that Dan was in her home, in her kitchen talking to her and her kid and Dan did not want to offend Blair so he was quietly observing. The person who seemed most comfortable and at home – apart from Jay of course – was Chuck and it seemed that he was deriving comfort from Dan's obvious discomfort, he even told Jenny that.

When Blair and Jenny went to kitchen to get some coffee after lunch, Blair was surprised to see many bags filled with brightly wrapped gifts.

"Where did all this come from, is there a Santa for real?" She laughed.

"Err actually Dan brought most of the stuff. I guess you two talked the other day and you agreed to tell Jay about him. He just went a little overboard after that and bought too many things I am afraid," Jenny haltingly explained.

"Seriously? This is so unlike Humphrey, he hated shopping. Every time I went shopping with him, I either had to threaten him or blackmail him to come with me," Blair said.

"He just learned that he is a father, maybe he is just trying to cram all the previous Christmases into this one," Jenny said.

"Well he only has himself to blame because I never hid my pregnancy from him," Blair said roughly.

"Will anyone of you ever tell me what really happened back then, you said he knew, he said he did not but then he is also full of regrets. If he knew but he still chose to walk away then despite the fact that he is my only brother, I would say he acted like a bastard and if I were you, I would throw him out but you are awfully nice to him and to us – his family. What is it Blair, what really happened four years ago?"

"Not now Jenny, we have too many people over and it would be most unbecoming if I lose my temper right now, but I will tell you the whole sordid detail some other time," Blair promised.

Dan, who came to offer his services heard this exchange and backed off. He gathered his jacket and went out, the guilt of running away was crushing him and he did not know how to seek Blair's forgiveness.

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**A/N**

**So what do you think guys? Please read and review and leave your suggestions. Thanks again for reading this :)**


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